The Johannsen family spectacle.

That nutjob Johannsen.

So I come into City Hall this morning with my cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, ready to tackle the business of the 3rd Ward and feeling very good (there was a Bix Beiderbecke retrospective on Mishipeshu Public Radio this morning, which I thought was a pretty good way to start the day off). Anyway, that assistant Marisha they assigned me -- she's the really sharp one -- she hands me a very interesting memo she's recieved. I don't know how Sherman did things when he was around here, but I won't lie to you, reader: this thing just about gave me a conniption fit.

It was from that maniac Barry G. Johannsen, who you may recall just lost the election to Sherman in a landslide last November. It was full of the kind of cuckoo horse-crap that the Johanssen family has been spouting since the heyday of their late matriach, Marla Manda Johannsen -- you know, SHERMAN MURDERED MY MOTHER THIS, WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY THAT, BLAH BLAH BLAH SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS THIS, YAK YAK YAK REVENGE ON YOU MARXIST NUTJOBS THAT. Jumping Jehosophat! These creeps never learn.

Sherman might have put up with the crap, but I won't. I began my political career in 1961 running against red-baiting Armitage Hill Goldwaterites that tried to smear my first wife as a a lesbian; she was a lesbian it turns out, but the point is, I learned politics in the good old days. I don't know how to play softball.

The gist of Johannsen's memo was this:

• The general election in November was rigged.
• Sherman intentionally resigned right after so the mayor could install me and I could return Armitage Heights to the leftist urban hellhole of the 1970s.
• Sherman is going to be made Secretary of Re-Education after the Hillary junta.
• Sherman is indirectly responsible for his mother's death.
• Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding is fully responsible for his mother's death, and, lastly...
• He is travelling to Viet Nam to find Dr. Harding and kill him to avenge his mother.

So there's all these pictures of him with his nutty old lady's handguns, posing like he's Sergeant York or something. I don't know why he sent this thing to me, since I don't give two figs about any of it, but I thought you good readers should know the what-for. That nutjob is welcome to go to Viet Nam and find whoever he wants. It's no skin off my back. While it's true that Dr. Harding should be extradited and brought back to answer for his role in the Christmas Parade riots of '06, it will take someone like Interpol to do it, or at least someone with a lot more sense than a chuckleaded loony-bird like Johannsen.