Monday, October 27, 2008

The end of the Clarion: some last-minute polls.



Hi everyone, Marisha here. I am back in the Heights for the next few days packing out and trying to sublease my apartment -- if you know anyone that needs a nice, clean, well-lit one bedroom in the Cassock District, email me right away. Easy access to the I-Line and Armitage Square Park.


Just a couple of polls worth looking at. The first is the Herald-Tribune's mayoral race poll. Sherman has a very slight lead, just outside of the 3% margin of error.

Mayoral Race, Mishipeshu - November 4

Sherman Larson (I) - 34%

Robert Underdahl (D) - 29%

Reeves Sinderman (R) - 27%

==========================================

Aldermanic Special Race, 3rd Ward (Armitage Heights, Kendall Park, Hanley, Armitage Hill, Little Warsaw, Wihinapa) - December 2

Branch Nickelbine (R) - 52%

Blake Timlin (D) - 27%

Andrea Gilanshah (Green) - 16%

Bronwynn Hyperioum Eisenberg (Wiccan Socialist) - 2%

Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding (Đang Cong san Viet Nam) - 2%

==========================================

Looks very good for Sherman, looks very bad for the Democrats here in Armitage Heights. As I'd feared, the Greens, Democrats and Socialist Wiccans are splitting the lefty vote, while the conservatives in Armitage Hill and Wihinapa are united solidly behind Nickelbine.

I don't understand how Dr. Harding even got on the ballot again. He hasn't lived in this neighborhood for two years, he is wanted on felony public peace disruption charges, he is a member of the Viet Cong, and he is 90 years old. Marla and Barry are surely spinning over in their graves.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The end of the Armitage Heights Clarion.



Hi everyone, Marisha here. You're probably surprised by the title of this post -- so am I, trust me. Where to even begin?

This has been a crazy month here. Maybe not as crazy as the Winter Parade riots or when Sherman disappeared in Ireland, but crazy nonetheless. Like I said, I'm not sure where to even begin.

So I'll start with the show in Minneapolis that was written about Armitage Heights, sort of a dramatization of the Christmas Island trial (who were called "Moon Island" here). I actually took some vacation time last weekend to fly out to the Twin Cities myself and see what it was all about. I'd wanted Sherman to come out with me, but since he's returned from Washington at the end of Hillary Clinton's campaign, on which he was serving as senior youth advisor, he'd been lying low. So I went out by myself, planning to stay for about a week. I had some old friends from college that are in grad school at Madison that I wanted to visit while I was out that way.

The show, "Don't Crush Out Heart," was good, but confusing. It was a "radio show," apparently, though it didn't seem to be broadcast on the radio. The fellow they had playing Sherman, a very talented musical theater actor named P. Chris Bierbauer, was spectacular. The woman playing me (Jenny Adams) was excellent, though my character seemed to have been extensively altered. I was portrayed as being 23 years old, naive and kind of whiny -- not exactly the way I picture myself. The band "Moon Island" was great; frankly, the songs were quite a bit better than the real Christmas Island's ouevre, all things considered. It was a great experience.

I talked to the company afterwards, a group called Electric Arc Radio. They were some very interesting and wonderful people. In fact, I'm currently writing to you from Minneapolis. But more on that in a minute.

Anyway, while I was in Minneapolis, two very notable events occurred back in the neighborhood:

1.) 3rd Ward Seat Vacancy. The first was that Chick Cavalcanti, my boss and the 3rd Ward alderman, had a severe heart attack -- this was last Monday, October 20 -- and was hospitalized. Chick was in a coma for a few days, but when he came to, he of course announced that he had no choice but to resign as 3rd Ward alderman. Mayor Underdahl temporarily appointed -- of course -- Sherman as his replacement, and called a special election for December.
So Sherman is my boss again. It was assumed Sherman would run for his old vacant seat in the special election. Not so. This is where it gets complicated.

2.) The Mayoral Race. There is also a mayoral election in November. Underdahl, the Democrat, was thought to be a shoe-in earlier this year, but his administration has recently become the object of some serious scrutiny for ethics violations and ties to a few radical Esperanto separatist groups. He's running a tight race between a well-financed but widely-disliked Republican challenger, 8th Ward Alderman Reeves Sinderman, the smarmy Mitt Romney backer who regular readers might recall from the Dublin guest blogger fiasco of some months ago.

So a week ago, Sherman announces that he is entering the mayoral race as an Independent candidate, on a fusion ticket with dotcom billionaire and zeppelin magnate Rockwell Katz for County Commissioner. Underdahl and Sinderman are both so unpopular, and Sherman has such name recognition from his various escapades as Alderman (in addition to serious funding from Katz) that he's now polling between 35% and 38% in a three-way race.

It seems entirely possible that on November 4, Sherman Larson will be mayor.



Which leaves the special election for 3rd Alderman seat up for grabs. With Sherman announcing his mayoral run as Independent, the Democrats have been left in a lurch. The best they've been able to come up with is 28-year old Blake Timlin (above left), a shy, boyish mumbler who is fresh out of an internship with the City Council Transit and Bicycle Paths Subcommittee. The Republicans are running a paleolithic local millionaire, Branch S. Nickelbine IV (above right), who was primarily known as an advisor to right-wing martyrs the Johannsen family. He's running on a reform ticket of extreme budget-cutting, and the first thing he's vowed to cut is funding for this blog, which he calls a "treasonous, ribald, elitist joke at the expense of the hard-working citizens of the real Armitage Heights." He's running ahead by fifteen points so far. I know Blake Timlin, and he's a nice guy, but there is no way I'm working for him if he wins. Which he almost certainly is not. He tried to ask me out on a date once at a Democratic Party benefit, and he spilled Cabernet on my dress, then ran into the bathroom and left me to clean it up. I think if I was working for Blake Timlin, there'd be a lot to clean up after.

So here I am in Minneapolis -- I'm gone for one week, and suddenly Chick is retired, Sherman is shoe-in for mayor, and the Republicans will hold the 3rd Ward aldermanic seat for the first time since the 1980s. Suddenly I seem to be out of a job!

Sherman has offered me a position in his administration, but I honestly don't have any interest in working in the mayor's office. Especially as an administrative assistant. I'm not even sure I want to keep working in local politics. I do hold two Bachelors degrees in Womens' Studies and Semiotics, and a Master's degree in Urban Planning and Comparative Literature, after all. Not to brag, of course. But it might be nice to consider a more challenging career path beyond the usual.

Good thing, too. Because how about this: when I was in Minneapolis, a friend in Madison I knew from the MFA program at Mishipeshu tipped me off to an opening here in town as managing editor with a small poetry journal. She went to school with their executive director, and recommended me to him. I interviewed, and they offered me the position right off. So weirdly enough, I am now writing to you not as assistant to the 3rd Ward Alderman in Armitage Heights, but managing editor of the Mill City Poetry Review in Minneapolis.

I expect when Nickelbine is elected, this blog will be shut down almost immediately and the funding diverted to abstinence-only sex education. I'll try to slip in before and post updates, if there are any; perhaps some of you would like to know what's going on with Sherman, Chick, the Kaos Krew, the right-wing twee-pop vigilantes Willy + Safire, legendary novelist Kimball F. Burin and Vietnam-based urban vigilante Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding.

But this really looks like it -- the end of the Clarion, and the end of my time here in Armitage Heights. Just like that. Funny how life works.

Email me at marisha.e.ferguson (at) gmail dot com if you need to get a hold of me.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Someone in Minneapolis wrote a radio musical about us.


Above: Minneapolis, where actors are playing my assistant Marisha right now.

Marisha just came across some press clippings that seem to indicate that someone in Minneapolis (of all places!) has written a musical radio show about the Christmas Island case.

You can read about it here.

They've taken some real liberties, it looks like, changing Christmas Island to "Moon Island" and giving former councilman Sherman Larson a bigger part than he actually played. It looks like they changed the ending, too -- as we all know, our Christmas Island broke up before the trial ended and are presently working in and around town to pay off their legal fees. I feel bad for the kids, but so it goes. They probably won't be able to afford to fly out to Minneapolis to see the show that's about them. What a shame.

Marisha says she may fly out to see the show herself in October. We'll update you.

I've heard Minneapolis is a nice place. It's about the same size, roughly, as here, so maybe the people writing it will have a sense of what it's like being here. Of course, Minneapolis doesn't have a Zeppelin District or Delawaretown, does it?

If you're visiting for the first time from Minneapolis, feel free to look at this introduction to what's been happening on this blog since 2006.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Christmas Island relocation trial: Day 3.

Well, another bombshell today. After a grueling morning of expert testimony by economists, intellectual property lawyers, real estate agents, rock critics, demographers and Dr. Richard Florida, they finally called some of the members of Christmas Island to the stand to testify. First up was the guitarist, Jessica Cormany. She brought her guitar to the stand with her.

"I'm not really a verbal person," she mumbled. "So if it pleases the court, I'd prefer to sing instead."

Judeg Ranvek allowed it. "This is a song I wrote one morning on the water taxi between Fulton Ferry Landing and Pier 11, looking out at the Brooklyn Bridge," she explained, fighting back tears. "It's the happiest I've ever been in my entire life."

Then she played the song. It was the most beautiful song I have ever heard. It was the most beautiful song anyone in the room had ever heard. The whole room was blubbering by the second verse.

Now I'm not a songwriter, but I know good work when I hear it. And gosh damn it, these kids are really good.

Our Armitage Heights lawyers looked sad and nervous. Judge Ranvek looked tearful. My assistant Marisha, sobbing softly, leaned in to tell me this: "That's not even their best song. That wasn't even on the EP. That was only available on a vinyl benefit compilation for when the Lakesider closed. They've got a million songs that good. All the new ones are about New York City."

The tide may have shifted in the kids' favor.

We'll see how day four goes.

Below is the courtroom sketch of Jessica playing her song.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Christmas Island relocation trial: Day 2.


Above: Brooklyn's Councilman Yassky.

A big bombshell in the Christmas Island trial this morning. The Armitage Heights team brought in a surprise witness, David Yassky, who represents Brooklyn's 33rd Council District on the New York City Council. The 33rd Council District is comprised of Greenpoint, Brooklyn Heights, Boerum Hill, Park Slope and Williamsburg.

"As much as I appreciate the artistry of these kids, the 33rd doesn't particularly need another musical group of this sort right now," he said in his testimony. "Our resources are strained as is, and the idea that we might be able to offer your neighborhood some unspecifed renumeration for taking in these kids is ridiculous."

There was a gasp from the courtroom. Yassky waved his hand. "They're good. I've heard that EP they put out on KRS, they absolutely remind me of Of Montreal, in a good way. But we have plenty of equally great homegrown Brooklyn acts also reminscent of Of Montreal right in our city already. One more is not, from a strictly economic or cultural perspective, at all necessary." Yassky continued: "I'd advise these kids to stay right where they are, here in your wonderful neighborhood."

The court was audibly delighted to hear Councilman Yassky note that "Armitage Heights really does remind me a lot of parts of Greenpoint."

Looks bad for the kids. Their bassist -- I'll have to get her name from Marisha -- looked to be on the verge of tears. We'll see how day 3 goes.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Christmas Island relocation trial begins today.

There's considerable activity downtown near the courthouse this afternoon, across from City Hall, where I am writing you from.

You'll recall that before Sherman left to be a part of the Clinton campaign, he initiated some (to my mind) questionable legal action against the beloved "indie-pop" music group Christmas Island to legally prevent them from relocating to Brooklyn to pursue their musical careers, arguing that they had become (to quote the brief) "an essential and indispensible part of the fabric of our city's economic and cultural well-being." Now a few months later, Case Number CV-95-297833, Armitage Heights Neighborhood Development Organization v. Christmas Island, L.L.C., et al., is finally coming up before the Pierce County Court of Common Pleas.

Christmas Island, as far as I've heard, is trying to get the City of Brooklyn and Kings County to intervene on their behalf, and in order to prevent an injunction, possibly work out a trade agreement with Armitage Heights of some kind. I'm not sure what precedent there is for this, as my law school days are well behind me. I just hope those Christmas Island kids have some friends that passed the bar after their bands broke up.

Anyway, this should be an interesting one. I'll post updates and what-not from the civil trial as they are available.


Above: Two members of Christmas Island outside the Pierce County Courthouse downtown.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Neighborhood Focus: The Trunnion District

Well, I get a lot of press releases faxed here, and sometimes there's some pretty interesting stuff. Take this, for example: something called Urban Beat magazine named the Trunnion District in Kendall Park the "most quickly gentrifying neighborhood in America" this month. Sherman used to do a thing called "Neighborhood Focus," so I guess I'll format this thing like one of those.

The Trunnion District, at its height in the 1870s, produced more trunnions then any city in the United States. Trunnions are critical to the manufacture of heavy artillery cannons, and no one made finer trunnions than our local companies -- United Trunnion, American Trunnion Works, Mishipeshu Trunnions. I remember it pretty well. My grandfather on my mother's side was trunnionsmith, a big, brooding Irishman. He hated trunnions to his dying day, but he used to say that trunnions kept his 27 children fed and clothed. "Charlie," he used to say, "I have dreams about feckin' trunnions every night. But those trunnions are what made us a family. Trunnions are what made this city great."

Anyway, the trunnion business fell on hard times after the Spanish-American War, and eventually, all the trunnion plants closed, leaving only the Mishie Trunnion Foundry by 1920. They hung on through the fallow trunnion years of post-cannon warfare by landing an exclusive contract with the Principality of Pinerolo, manufacturing the trunnions used for that city-state's elaborate bi-annual ceremonial battlefield drilling re-enactments, and occasionally landing lucrative one-off contracts with eccentric billionaires, historic arms dealers, artisanal artillery buffs, LARPers, producers for medium-budget BBC costume dramas, and miscelleaneous cannon perverts. The Pinerolo contract expired in 2003, and two years later, the plant was shuttered and its nineteen employees were laid off.


Mishipeshu Trunnion Foundry, 1856-2005

By 2006, the area was an urban wasteland, beset by arson, homicides and gang wars. Between 2005 and 2006, the Mishipeshu Police Department reported that violent crime in the precinct had skyrocketed 300%. The area was generally considered off-limits for residents of the city, and for several months in 2006 acquired the inelegant and stupid nickname the "Runnin' [From Gunshots] District." There was an influx of dozens of poverty-stricken native Esperanto speakers from the nearby Esperanto District, mostly separatists whose embrace of the Ido constructed language had lost them their jobs and homes in the more prosperous sections of Kendall Park. Average household income for the Trunnion District, a once fairly propserous working-class area, sunk below $9,000. The area continued to decay into 2007.


The corner of North 18th Avenue and East Wilson Street, March 2006.

Stories of cheap warehouse space, delicious ethnic Esperantan food, lax noise ordinance law enforcement and gorgeous brownstone Victorian architecture began to bring in a few dozen rock bands, artists, monogmaous gay couples, scooter enthusiasts and bohemians into the neighborhood in early 2007. Local zines and alternative media outlets began to declare the Trunnion District the "new Cassock District." By the end of 2007, a thriving new art and rock scene had sprung up along Wilson Avenue, much to the dismay of more conservative Esperantans and trunnionsmiths.


Free-Press noise-rock darlings Frost Creep at STORE, their rehearsal space/art gallery in the old Steve's World of Store Fixtures at 1800 East Wilson Street, April 2007.

"The Trunnion District, once known for something called 'trunnions' and then briefly for poverty and crime and now apparently for exciting new developments in twee-revival rock music and time-based media art is also now apparently the hottest new thing in upscale urban living!" crowed the Mishipeshu Herald-Tribune in a Lifestyles section editoral from early 2008. By early this year, construction had already begun on three new loft-style condo developments, a MINI Cooper dealership, two Starbucks coffee franchises and a Sonoma-Williams outlet.



The new Cannon Flats Lofts, set to open in July. The old Steve's World of Store Fixtures / STORE Gallery now houses a Mini Cooper dealership.


Urban Beat notes that this is an almost unprecendented opportunity for at least four generations of neighborhood residents to interact simultaneously. And believe me, they do, too. I get complaints from this neighborhood about everyone. I get probably a dozen variations on the "Those trunnionmakers/poor people/gay rock bands/condo developing yuppies are screwing this neighborhood up" email per week. "That this entire cycle could happen in the space of three years is nothing short of remarkable," says the magazine. I guess we'll take accolades where we can get 'em.

Monday, April 21, 2008

I sure got in a lot of trouble for that last post.

The one about my assistant Marisha dying. She is not dead, and she is also not, as the post implied, dating Billy Draeger of the rock band the October Revolutionists.

It was April Fools Day! I thought people would get it. Back when I was councilman the first time, we pulled all sorts of wacky stunts on April Fools Day. This was pretty small potatoes, compared to something like the Gerald Ford blowdryer in '75, or the Zeppelinarium kudzu bomb in '76. Those made front-page news.

They wouldn't let me write on the internet diary for awhile, actually. Sorry it's taken so long to get back on. There's been a lot going on lately, and it's my duty to tell you the reader about it.

Marisha is on leave for a few days herself. I'll have her write a little something when she's back.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

My assistant Marisha, 1977-2008.


A real tragedy. She was the best assistant we've had here in the 3rd Ward since that Nancy Goellner in 1976, hands down.

I'll post the details soon. Keep Marisha's family and her musician boyfriend Billy Draeger of the band the October Revolutionists in your prayers.

Monday, March 17, 2008

More from the Johannsen family -- another death trip.


Above: brother-sister indie-pop duo and globetrotting vigilantes Willy & Safire.

Boy, I'll tell you, a tragedy is a tragedy, but I don't know it is about the Johannsen family that breaks this neighborhood out into a total case of the loonies. Marla Manda dies last year, and all of a sudden it's a great idea to build a giant statue of a handgun in the middle of Armitage Square. Then her fool son goes and dies and suddenly every Republican in the 3rd Ward is threatening to prosecute me and Sherman Larson and anyone else that ever had an unkind word to say about the Johannsen clan. And now, I get this loony "press release" sent to me by Barry's two kids, Willy Bennett Johannsen and Safire Strauss Johannsen, who I guess play in a rock band of some kind. That assistant Marisha -- the really sharp one -- tells me that they're fairly well-known around town for playing something she called "twee pop revival," which means absolutely nothing to me. "Instead of songs about having crushes on librarians, though," she tells me, by means of explanation, "they sing about having crushes on University of Chicago economics professors."

Anyway, here is is. It was sent not by regular mail, but via the My Space.



dear friends:

as you know, it has been a great year for willy & safire -- we've just returned from a triumphant showcase at sxsw, and finally released our latest ep, god and man at yale. but imagine our shock when we return from austin only to find that our dear father, who taught has so much, has passed away in a tragedy, only one year after our grandmother passed as well. the fact that both were taken too soon in pursuit of the contemptible old communist bastard dr. thomas jefferson harding only makes it harder to bear.

so are announcing our first-ever asian tour this spring. we will be doing a tour of laos, cambodia and vietnam, and focusing on vietnam. we will bring our music to the people of southeast asia, and also use our free time to hunt down dr. harding and bring him to justice to answer for his many crimes against armitage heights, and his role in the death of our father and grandmother. it's what they both would have wanted, and we'll put our skills as musicians and handgun aficionados towards that goal.

see you in hanoi!

remember, you can read our blog about the trip, get tour info and hear our new songs right here at www.myspace.com/willyandsafire.

love,

willy and safire



What the hell is it about these people? Don't they have better things to do than run off to Viet Nam and chase down a senile old Marxist?

I thought when I took over the internet diary from Sherman I'd be able to write about stuff around town once in awhile, and not just accounts of a bunch of crazy vigilante death trips on behalf of the local right-wing plutocracy. I see that's not going to be the case.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Barry G. Johannsen, 1964-2008



I have some tragic news from the American consulate in Viet Nam this morning. Seems that the chartered aircraft that was carrying Wihinapa perennial Republican city council candidate, building contractor and handgun activist Barry G. Johannsen and his small party of bounty hunters crashed somewhere in Laos following an apparent mechanical failure. Both he and his seven companions seem to have been killed, according to the wire reports that assistant Marisha has handed me.

As I believe I mentioned a few days ago, Johannsen was travelling to Viet Nam in hopes of tracking down the fugitive leftist urban guerilla and bringing him to justice. Or killing him, apparently.

It's worth noting that Johannsen's mother, Marla Manda Johannsen, died in Viet Nam herself almost exactly one year ago today under very similar circumstances. She, too, was in search of Dr. Harding.

Dr. Harding, of course, remains at large. He is believed to have assumed a senior position in the Viet Namese Communist Party.

Armitage Hill Christian Church, located at 8402 Gresham Avenue in Armitage Hill, will be holding a memorial service tomorrow evening. Donations will be taken and contributed to a fund set up in Mr. Johanssen's name. You may contribute online at this website.

My condolences to Johannsen's two kids, William Bennett Johannsen, 24, and Safire Strauss Johannsen, 22, both of Armitage Heights.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Where is Stedman Plaza?



The last known image of Stedman Plaza, from a Herald-Tribune Sunday Magazine article dated May 12, 1974. This image is most likely much older.

So when I started here last week, I asked that assistant Marisha -- the really sharp one -- to print all of the E-mail letters I got, so I could read them over bagels and coffee in the morning, like I used to back in the '70s. Well, imagine my surprise this morning when there's about a whole ream of letters stacked all over my desk. That assistant Marisha tells me she's been getting a huge amount E-mails all week, and there's more and more coming in ever day. And all of them are about the same thing: the vanished Stedman Plaza, which I referenced a few days ago in my cursory catalog of our neighborhood's 70s-era ills. Older reader might remember it as a nice little public space over near Armitage Square off Gilpin Avenue at Toucey Avenue that was misplaced somehow in 1974 or 1975.

Seems to have touched off a nerve. People wrote with all sorts of theories they'd over the years about where Stedman Plaza disappeared to, or where is was misplaced, or what the story is. It's one of the great mysteries of our neighborhood, and I thought it'd be fun to take a look at people's ideas here. That's the sort of thing Sherman liked to do on this internet diary, right? I know he wasn't so hot for posting minutes from the council meetings.

Wihinapa's Steadmann Park is the metric Stedman Plaza.
Ashley H. in the Poutine District suggests an interesting theory: that Stedmann Park in Wihinapa is actually Stedman Plaza. Ashley notes that when the city briefly switched over to the metric system in 1974, many of the city's master plans were redrawn. In the confusion, some of the distances between Toucey Avenue and Gilpin Avenue were miscalculated, and in official publications, Stedman Park was misplaced in Wihinapa. The name difference can be attributed to the fact that when the first UniLog system was developed for the computerized reprocessing of the city grid in 1973 (also under the ausipces of Mayor Freese's concurrent Future Now initiative, which called for metricization and computerization of all city services), the punch card was mangled, resulting in the addition of an extra "n" being placed at the end, and the automatic transfer of city funds into Wihinapa's subfunds for park maintenance. This effectively allowed a similarly-shaped parking lot in Wihinapa, three miles northeast, to be designated Stedmann Park. This explains Stedmann Park's unattractive, parking lot-like appearance, but the fact that there are historic references to both areas in the 1952 City Registry muddles this theory slightly. Why would you park a car in a plaza, after all?

Stedman Plaza fell victim to inter-factional rivalries in the hippie sculpture garden wars of the 1970s.
There were some pretty cruddy sculpture parks around here in the mid-'70s, but that one on Toucey was the worst. That was the one with the head of Salvador Allende made out of old Coke bottles, except it looked like Jack Klugman? And it kept catching on fire? Well, Murray S., who claims to have been a Parks Board operative at the time, takes us back to those heady days of the sculpture park wars: he notes that the poor record-keeping practices on the Board at the time may have led to funds being diverted into the upkeep of Giant Earth Robot Meditation Plaza, leading to the Stedman Plaza site to be illegally occupied by a sect of Neo-Gesturalists, who you may recall were a radical fringe of urban hippie sculptors that rejected the metaphoric flourishes of the major hippie sculpture gardens (this is all covered beautifully in two books, Ecce Hoedown: The Armitage Heights Sculpture Explosion, by Frank Carney-Nentzl, and Half-Welded to a Dream, by Groff Schwenson). By the time the site burned down in the '78 riots, all the records had been destroyed by the anti-Neo-Gesturalists who controlled the Park Board through most of the 1970s, effectively writing the Glass Bottle Allende Klugman Head out of the history books -- and disappearing Stedman Plaza with it.

Stedman Plaza was torn down by vengeful labor unions, under the cover of construction for the failed I-386 interstate spur.
This is the opinion of Jake T., who wrote to inform us that he worked as a union foreman in the 1970s on the crew that began tentative work on the failed I-386 spur into Armitage Heights in 1974. He said that the union wanted Stedman Plaza out of the way, due to the its unfortunate namesake, F. Cornell Stedman, the union-busting Gilded Age industrialist who is best remembered by those in the Labor movement for his 1917 promise to "devour the infants of the working classes betwixt my teeth and grind them into a fearsome paste, lest they be infected by the plague of Bolshevism" (this was even the epitaph on his grave in Kendall Park until 1966, I believe). In the course of their work in the area, the crew tarped the Plaza and tore it apart with small, noiseless drilling tools and steel brushes, obfuscating work logs and failing to inform city planners. Due to the blight in that area at the time generally, no one noticed the Plaza was gone until it was well into the 1980s. There is now a B.F. Chang's Chinese Bistro on the site in question.

Stedman Plaza was uprooted piece-by-piece by the Freemasons and illegally relocated.
I don't need to refresh anyone's memory about the neighborhood's roots in Freemasonry. So Vick H. in Hanley writes that there has been a popular theory circulating for years that Stedman Plaza, named for Freemason F. Cornell Stedman, was built at Toucey and Gilpin Avenues to complete a visual arrangment that placed the Plaza as the Unveiling Queen of Heaven in alignment with Toucey as the fourth point of entrance in the pentagram formed around Armitage Square when it was built in the 1840s. I'm not sure what all that entails, but apparently, when the fourth point of entrance was shifted from the pentagram by Grand Masterly decree in 1974...aw, this mumbo-jumbo never interested me. I guess Freemasons supposedly took the concrete fixtures apart and put it all back together again somewhere in their lodge in Hanley, and no one noticed it was gone because of the metric restructuring, rioting, interstate spur-building and sculpture parks. Sounds as plausible as anything, I guess.

There never was a Stedman Plaza.
The last theory is from "Dr. L," who teaches history at St. Rumwald College. His theory, about which he actually wrote his thesis on in 1999, is that there never was a historic Stedman Plaza. It was all a cover-up for a white slavery ring that ran out of a three-story tenement off Toucey until it was burned down by -- depending on who you believe -- a rogue cop, a crooked landlord, or the Kendall Park branch of Baader-Meinhoff in 1974. "Stedman Plaza became an illusory embodiment of our aspirations as a neighborhood that happened to coincide with the 3rd Ward's rise to prominence in the city during the first half of the 20th Century," writes Dr. L. "When those dreams began to die in the 1970s, the illusion died with it, leaving nothing behind but smashed-up tenements and a trash-strewn, urine-soaked legacy of cruelty and vice."

That's all very interesting. I think it's real neat how there's a B.F. Chang's Chinese Bistro there now instead of tenements. I ate there the other night, and they had a pretty good egg foo young, I thought. There sure isn't any urine there anymore, at least. So I guess that's good.

Maybe I'll look at introducing an act to establish that space near that building as the Stedman Plaza Memorial Plaza, if the unions, Freemasons and anti-Neo-Gesturalists didn't have too strong an objection.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Johannsen family spectacle.


That nutjob Johannsen.

So I come into City Hall this morning with my cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee, ready to tackle the business of the 3rd Ward and feeling very good (there was a Bix Beiderbecke retrospective on Mishipeshu Public Radio this morning, which I thought was a pretty good way to start the day off). Anyway, that assistant Marisha they assigned me -- she's the really sharp one -- she hands me a very interesting memo she's recieved. I don't know how Sherman did things when he was around here, but I won't lie to you, reader: this thing just about gave me a conniption fit.

It was from that maniac Barry G. Johannsen, who you may recall just lost the election to Sherman in a landslide last November. It was full of the kind of cuckoo horse-crap that the Johanssen family has been spouting since the heyday of their late matriach, Marla Manda Johannsen -- you know, SHERMAN MURDERED MY MOTHER THIS, WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY THAT, BLAH BLAH BLAH SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS THIS, YAK YAK YAK REVENGE ON YOU MARXIST NUTJOBS THAT. Jumping Jehosophat! These creeps never learn.

Sherman might have put up with the crap, but I won't. I began my political career in 1961 running against red-baiting Armitage Hill Goldwaterites that tried to smear my first wife as a a lesbian; she was a lesbian it turns out, but the point is, I learned politics in the good old days. I don't know how to play softball.

The gist of Johannsen's memo was this:
  • The general election in November was rigged.
  • Sherman intentionally resigned right after so the mayor could install me and I could return Armitage Heights to the leftist urban hellhole of the 1970s.
  • Sherman is going to be made Secretary of Re-Education after the Hillary junta.
  • Sherman is indirectly responsible for his mother's death.
  • Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding is fully responsible for his mother's death, and, lastly...
  • He is travelling to Viet Nam to find Dr. Harding and kill him to avenge his mother.

So there's all these pictures of him with his nutty old lady's handguns, posing like he's Sergeant York or something. I don't know why he sent this thing to me, since I don't give two figs about any of it, but I thought you good readers should know the what-for. That nutjob is welcome to go to Viet Nam and find whoever he wants. It's no skin off my back. While it's true that Dr. Harding should be extradited and brought back to answer for his role in the Christmas Parade riots of '06, it will take someone like Interpol to do it, or at least someone with a lot more sense than a chuckleaded loony-bird like Johannsen.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Times sure change.


The last-known photo of the 1976 University of Mishipeshu Men's Vars
ity sculling squad, on the Vistula River in Krakow, Poland, August 1976. Thanks to that Marisha for getting it out of my storage bureau and up on here.

I have to say, times sure have changed since my last tenure as 3rd Ward councilman in the late-1970s. Back in those days, there was such a municipal budget crunch that the city council had actually rented out the Fletcher O. Casady Council Chamber to a group called the Armitage People's Temple, what we had thought was a community fraternal organization (it was, in fact, a sort of death cult that had close ties to the Mushkobewun Park Massacre). The council itself met in an unheated mooring room in the old Zeppelinarium here in the 3rd Ward through 1979. What time to be alive in Armitage Heights that was. Times change!

It's real nice to be working on people's good 2008 problems this time out. I mean, the community is in sort of rough times right now, I understand - the subprime crisis has hit south Hanley and Kendall Park particularly hard, and there's bad unemployment numbers all over. But gee, I don't know if this stuff stacks up against the problems we had in the neighborhood in the mid- to late-'70s. I mean, just a quick list and you can remember what it was like here at that time: besides the Mushkobewun Park Massacre, we also had Mayor Freese's doomed 1976 third party presidential run and subsequent kidnapping and brainwashing, Kimball F. Burin's knife-fight with Representative Thurston, the municipal water burglary of 1975, the Kendall Park Stranglers (Sr. and Jr.), nineteen separate gas crises, the heating fuel crisis, the motor oil crisis, the cooking offal crisis, the mobilization of the National Guard when 2nd Ward Councilwoman and Maoist Bethany Adler-Monacelli was elected City Council Treasurer, the general horticulture strike (right), the Esperanto Uprisings, the Hanley Fires of '74, '75 and '78, the shuttering of the Cassock District, that Bachman-Turner Overdrive concert at the old Armitage Palladium that no one showed up to, the various fires, arsons, explosions and implosions that claimed, among others, the Fitzhugh Building, Fitzhugh Hall, the Dubow Towers, the Bulgarian-American Friendship Palace, the Levinson Brothers Candleworks, the Cashmere Registry, Aldolf's Omaha East and the Tribune-Herald Telefax Archives, the disappearances of Baby Andrea, Baby Colleen and the Fitzhugh Twins, the Citizens Band Wars, the Mushkobewun Park Massacre reprise, the Kendall Park Zoo public auction, the bankruptcies of 1976-77 and super-bankruptcy of '78, the junk bond parade of 1979, the Fifth of July, Sixth of November and Maundy Thursday Disasters, the abduction of the 1976 University of Mishipeshu Men's Varsity sculling squad in Krakow, the marijuana-fueled motorbike death of Councilman Spence Whitmarsh and freezing of funding for his beloved hippie sculpture gardens, the unintentional- but- still- internationally- calamitous destruction of the Soviet Peace Plaza in 1975, the freeze-drying of Senator Franzen, the Black Panther Olympics (left), the Tarbaby Debates, the rise and fall of Allen Jeffreys and the Mellowhearts, the city council's Valium Act of 1977, the publication of Kimball F. Burin's Moloch of Stanton Ave., the 1976 land-yacht debacle that led to half the City Council's resignation, Mayor Freese's conversion to Zen Buddhism and subsequent repudiation of his official duties, the Voyageurs losing the NBA title to a pretty weak L.A. Lakers two years in a row, the still-unsolved disappearance of Stedman Plaza, the rise of the English Equal Progress Party and its disastrous merger with the Esperanto Rights Party, and of course the sexual healers scandal of '73. Those are just the few that occur to me off the top of my head. That Marisha hardly knows any of them, but let me tell you, it was a challenge to try to run the 3rd Ward at that time. Let me tell you.

I barely recognize the new City Hall, actually. It was built downtown in 1983 on the site of the old Telefax Archives.

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Stedman Plaza in 1919. Where was it misplaced in 1974-75?

Friday, February 29, 2008

Good luck and God bless, Sherman. Also, an introduction to me and this internet diary.


Well, Sherman, good luck in the big time with Hillary. We're all wishing you luck you back here.

Sherman did a nice job introducing me. For those that missed it, my name is Chick Cavalcanti, and I was 3rd Ward councilman from 1975 to 1979. I've been asked by Mayor Underdahl to fulfill this role once again, a charge I enthusiastically accepted.

As far as whether I plan on continuing to keep writing in this internet diary, I don't know yet. That Marisha they assigned me thinks it would be a good idea, but I'm still not totally sure how it all works. The guys at my bar, Chick's, on Stanton Avenue, talked about it once in awhile and I was never totally clear what he was trying to accomplish with it. But we'll keep it going for the time being and try to make it relevant. I asked the guys at the bar, some of my steady guys like Hank and Steve, if they read any online diaries. They sent me emails with a couple suggestions, but I looked at them and thought they were junk. I don't know how those guys got so damn conservative. Used to be solid, lunch-pail liberal union guys back in my day.

I asked that Marisha they assigned me what she thought I should write in the diary for today, and she had a few ideas, a lot of which were sort of good. I might just let write it if she wants to. She seems to be pretty hip to this stuff. Sherman was always having her write about rock bands, which seems like sort of a waste of a pretty sharp mind. I don't know what the hell is so interesting about rock bands. Do people write a lot about rock bands on these diaries? I guess I'll have to look at a few and see what's going on with them. If you know of any good ones, you can send them. But that Marisha they assigned me is pretty sharp.

I asked my grandkids Skippy, Charlie III and Madison what I ought to put in the diary and they sent me a bunch of photographs of talking cats. I don't really know how to get them out of the email, but they sure sent a bunch of them. I guess I could describe them instead of putting them up here. There's this cat, and he's looking at his feet because he's on his back, and he's saying "oh hey, are you my feet?" except it's all misspelled. So I guess the cat is supposed to be trying to speak cat language or something. I guess I don't get it.

Well, good luck out there. We'll talk soon.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

A bittersweet day!


Today I have some very, very bittersweet news for all of you, my faithful readers.

Effective immediately, I am resigning my position as your councilman representing the 3rd Ward in order to take a position in Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign for President.

Hillary and Hillary's campaign organization have asked me to join her Youth Are Our Future Now Hillary '08 Youth Advisory Subcommittee as co-chairman, and it is an honor I am deeply grateful to accept.

It's something I am reluctant to do. I am taking a $20,000 cut in pay, but how can you put a price on our future? Is getting the vote of just one more on-the-fence urban designer worth $20,000? Building a better future for the children of this nation by securing the support of a noise-rock band? Or an independent coffee shop? Or the clientele of a cult film video rental store that the other guys might have overlooked? I say yes, it is worth $20,000. It's worth more.

I love working with youth, and anyone that knows this neighborhood I have represented was made great by the youthful energy of its many late-teens, twentysomethings and very early non-homeowner thirtysomethings. These were the guys and gals that made us the envy of every non-Brooklyn, non-Bay Area urban neighborhood in America -- and we were even catching up with them, I know it. It's these talented, insightful, hard-working young folks that will decide who our next president will be, and it is my task to help them make the right decision. And the right decision is Hillary Clinton. She's not as young as her main rival, but she's got that "moxie" that I've seen in other great young leaders, and I'm so excited to help get the message out about her.

It's a time of transition here in the Heights. My assistant Marisha, too, is going through some professional changes. I would love her to come with me and work with on Hillary's campaign, but her future lies elsewhere -- in fact, not even in this country! She's taking a position in London this spring as a publicist for

My position will be filled by Mayor Underdahl's appointee, a man who is himself no stranger to the world of local politics, former Democratic 3rd Ward Councilman Charlie "Chick" Cavalcanti, Sr. As many of you recall, Chick served in this post from 1975 to 1979 before going on to also serve on the city's Recession Czar from 1980 until 1983, and then going into the private sector throughout the 1980s and 1990s (you may recall the short-lived 1985 CBS sitcom based loosely on his exploits as a tavern-keeper and former local politician, C'mere A Minute). He has come out of retirement to fill this position, and is excited about serving until a special election is called later this year. Here's hoping he brings the most interesting parts of the spirit of the old 1970s Armitage Heights to our modern-day neighborhood! Of course, Councilman Cavalcanti will be welcome to continue this blog as he sees fit. It is my hope that he does.

I will be maintaining a new blog called The Kids Are All Hillary!, which you'll be able to find at http://www.hillaryclinton.com/blogs/thekids. I hope to see some of you there -- and then in Washington in 2009!

So with my best wishes to all of you, I remain yours in service,