Neighborhood Focus: The Trunnion District

Well, I get a lot of press releases faxed here, and sometimes there's some pretty interesting stuff. Take this, for example: something called Urban Beat magazine named the Trunnion District in Kendall Park the "most quickly gentrifying neighborhood in America" this month. Sherman used to do a thing called "Neighborhood Focus," so I guess I'll format this thing like one of those.

The Trunnion District, at its height in the 1870s, produced more trunnions then any city in the United States. Trunnions are critical to the manufacture of heavy artillery cannons, and no one made finer trunnions than our local companies -- United Trunnion, American Trunnion Works, Mishipeshu Trunnions. I remember it pretty well. My grandfather on my mother's side was trunnionsmith, a big, brooding Irishman. He hated trunnions to his dying day, but he used to say that trunnions kept his 27 children fed and clothed. "Charlie," he used to say, "I have dreams about feckin' trunnions every night. But those trunnions are what made us a family. Trunnions are what made this city great."

Anyway, the trunnion business fell on hard times after the Spanish-American War, and eventually, all the trunnion plants closed, leaving only the Mishie Trunnion Foundry by 1920. They hung on through the fallow trunnion years of post-cannon warfare by landing an exclusive contract with the Principality of Pinerolo, manufacturing the trunnions used for that city-state's elaborate bi-annual ceremonial battlefield drilling re-enactments, and occasionally landing lucrative one-off contracts with eccentric billionaires, historic arms dealers, artisanal artillery buffs, LARPers, producers for medium-budget BBC costume dramas, and miscelleaneous cannon perverts. The Pinerolo contract expired in 2003, and two years later, the plant was shuttered and its nineteen employees were laid off.


Mishipeshu Trunnion Foundry, 1856-2005

By 2006, the area was an urban wasteland, beset by arson, homicides and gang wars. Between 2005 and 2006, the Mishipeshu Police Department reported that violent crime in the precinct had skyrocketed 300%. The area was generally considered off-limits for residents of the city, and for several months in 2006 acquired the inelegant and stupid nickname the "Runnin' [From Gunshots] District." There was an influx of dozens of poverty-stricken native Esperanto speakers from the nearby Esperanto District, mostly separatists whose embrace of the Ido constructed language had lost them their jobs and homes in the more prosperous sections of Kendall Park. Average household income for the Trunnion District, a once fairly propserous working-class area, sunk below $9,000. The area continued to decay into 2007.


The corner of North 18th Avenue and East Wilson Street, March 2006.

Stories of cheap warehouse space, delicious ethnic Esperantan food, lax noise ordinance law enforcement and gorgeous brownstone Victorian architecture began to bring in a few dozen rock bands, artists, monogmaous gay couples, scooter enthusiasts and bohemians into the neighborhood in early 2007. Local zines and alternative media outlets began to declare the Trunnion District the "new Cassock District." By the end of 2007, a thriving new art and rock scene had sprung up along Wilson Avenue, much to the dismay of more conservative Esperantans and trunnionsmiths.


Free-Press noise-rock darlings Frost Creep at STORE, their rehearsal space/art gallery in the old Steve's World of Store Fixtures at 1800 East Wilson Street, April 2007.

"The Trunnion District, once known for something called 'trunnions' and then briefly for poverty and crime and now apparently for exciting new developments in twee-revival rock music and time-based media art is also now apparently the hottest new thing in upscale urban living!" crowed the Mishipeshu Herald-Tribune in a Lifestyles section editoral from early 2008. By early this year, construction had already begun on three new loft-style condo developments, a MINI Cooper dealership, two Starbucks coffee franchises and a Sonoma-Williams outlet.

The new Cannon Flats Lofts, set to open in July. The old Steve's World of Store Fixtures / STORE Gallery now houses a Mini Cooper dealership.

Urban Beat notes that this is an almost unprecendented opportunity for at least four generations of neighborhood residents to interact simultaneously. And believe me, they do, too. I get complaints from this neighborhood about everyone. I get probably a dozen variations on the "Those trunnionmakers/poor people/gay rock bands/condo developing yuppies are screwing this neighborhood up" email per week. "That this entire cycle could happen in the space of three years is nothing short of remarkable," says the magazine. I guess we'll take accolades where we can get 'em.

"Poik de coy in de loit."

You can "poik" your "coy" in " this'n ga-royge" at Armitage and 38th Street.

Sound familiar? I was travelling back from a conference in Seattle this week, and I got into a conversation with a fellow I was sitting next to at the Sea-Tac airport. He was flying to Houston, but his mother had apparently grown up in Kendall Park, and he recognized me as a "Peshie" right away because of my accent, which got me to thinking about the Mishipeshu accent.

I grew up in Wihinapa, as did both of my parents, so they both had strong Peshie accents, as did my grandparents. I still remember when Grandpa Henry taught me "droive" in his "coy" down Stanton Avenue when I was 16.

And certainly a lot of people still think of the late, celebrated television and film comedian (and Armitage Heights-native) Marty Miller for his outrageous vocal characterizations of the Peshie accent (who can forget his classic shopkeeper gag? "Oh, shoyp-keepa!").

It's an accent like no other in the country, informed by the blend of influences that have made our city so unique -- from early Native American tribes that flourished along Lake Mishipeshu, to the Polish settlers that made Little Warsaw home, to the Quebecer, Delawarean and Esperanto speakers that poured in last two centuries in search of a better life. So poik your coy with pride!

Urban lifestyles, available now.

There's been some criticism in the local press as of late regarding the condo boom we've been enjoying here in the Heights recently. Specifically, a few naysayers have predicted that the slight slowdown we've been experiencing in sales is the beginning of a long-term trend. In fact, the Heights Free Press goes on to say that many of the flagship condominium developments are "poorly-conceived, badly marketed, cynically developed, economically dubious and generally, just completely lacking in even the most basic comprehension of the fundamentals of urban living, city planning, real estate, aesthetics, ecomonics, construction, historic preservation, engineering, taste or human decency."

The Free Press is entitled to it's opinion, of course, but let's not be ridiculous. The condo developments we have going on at the present time are affordable, sustainable and attractive, and just because there's been a slight downturn in sales doesn't mean we should all go into hysterics. In fact, I'm going to list here a few of the exciting developments that we have going on in the real estate market, and you can see for yourself how attractive, affordable and responsible urban condo living really is.

A lot of these developments are throwing in special bonuses, like plasma screen TVs, association fee waivers and coupons to delicious restaurants, so act fast!

• Zeppelin Flats - art-deco luxury in the heart of the Zeppelin District
• Les Resevoir - fine water-side urban living
• Poutine Flats - old world-style luxury in the heart of the Poutine District
• The Refinery - refined urban living in a Steam Age setting
• Harbour Docks Flats Highrise - lakeside living at shipping-yard prices
• The Esperanto Lofts (Apartmentos Luksaĵos Esperantos) - Mi ŝatasrenkonti novajn homojn en Arondismento Esperanto!
• Olde Section 8 Village Centre - the rebirth of a new luxury address in South Hanley
• Cassock District Arts and Leisure Quarter - let yourself be blessed with urban luxury, my son
• Mishipeshu-Akron-Buffalo Railroad Switchyard Lofts - get on the fast track to luxurious urban living
• Gruyere Flats Luxury Condominiums and Artisanal Cheese Depository - sharp, dry, delicious living in the historic St. Aloysius Greek Orthodox Veterans Hospital & Sanitarium in Kendall Park

Your letters and emails.

Freemason grand master, poet and alleged anti-Semitic cannibal Dr. Lucius S. Grotting, 1899.

Friday is a good day to drag out the old mailbag, and have a look at some of the letters you have sent me in the past month.

This blog is only less than a month old, but the response from the community has been overwhelming! It's good to know that so many of you are "web-saavy," and it speaks well of our community that so many of you are "plugged-in."

My assistant Marisha once again is telling me to stop putting so many words in quotation marks. In fact, many of your letters have touched on that very subject. Well, you may have a point, but may I say that there's nothing "lame" or "square" about putting words that may be unfamiliar to our community like "web-savvy" in quotation marks.

The bulk of mail I've gotten has been regarding the ongoing controversy regarding the Winter Parade disturbances. I am glad to say that most of it supports the capture and trial of the hooligans that instigated the tragedy. You have probably already heard that unlicensed, non-Muslim cleric the Ayatollah Martin Wisniewski was apprehended yesterday in Armitage Hill, and that only the mentally unbalanced clandestine Viet Cong operative and dangerous leftist agitator Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding remains at large. A trial date for all nine defendants is due to be set later this month.

I would like to say that although I am absolutely all for recognizing and celebrating the diversity in our community, I would politely ask those of you in the Hanley Esperanto District to please include an English translation of your letters when you send them. No one on the city's payroll is a fluent speaker of this unique, beautiful and made-up language, and my assistant Marisha has had a terrible time translating the letters into English using an old Esperanto-to-English dictionary she bought with her own money at one of the used bookstores on the Stanton Avenue strip. Most of them come out sounding like this:

Mi diras al la rego: "via rego mosto, pardonu min! Malsagulon ciu batas!"

Which Marisha claims translates to:

"I said to the king, 'Your majesty, forgive me! Everybody beats a fool.'"

I do not know why someone would send this message to me.

And while we're on the subject of kings, dead languages and strange rituals, here is a letter from Grand Master Eldon Sommers, 33°, of the Novus Ordo Seclorum Chapter of Armitage Heights Lodge of Approved Freemasons No. 1, regarding my comments on the Armitage Freemason's March and Dr. Lucius S. Grotting from December 19:

You are perpetuating a tired, untrue old rumor with your irresponsible comments on Dr. Lucius S. Grotting. He was truly an inspiring, well-loved figure in turn-of-the-century Armitage Heights, and his railroading by anti-Masonic forces in the community is a blot on the neighborhood's progressive past. There is no proof that those rabbis were eaten, and even if they were eaten, which they weren't, there is no proof that Dr. Grotting was the one that ate them. Dr. Grotting was not an eater of rabbis, or an eater of people in general, except for in some ceremonial instances of Freemason ritual which are largely misunderstood and primarily metaphorical in nature.

From that same December 19th post, here is an email from Chucky Charlemagne, former lead singer of the Druids, whose 1979 punk-rock pro-heroin anthem "Stanton Ave. Cop" I made reference to:

In addition to "Cop," may I say we also performed a number of other neighborhood-specific songs, like "Wihinapa Deathwish," "Burn, Hanley, Burn," and "Let's Arm Armitage." In addition, may I also say that in our 1978 prime, the Druids would have wiped self-absorbed fake rock-and-roll weineys like I'm Going To Watch You Die or whatever the [expletive deleted] they're called off the stage completely, despite the fact that we didn't have any crappy corporate music magazines knocking around. So yeah, nice mascara job, you wussy little [different expletive deleted].

While I appreciate the community pride that Mr. Charlemagne feels, I must still maintain that I am adamantly opposed to death wishes, burning Hanley and providing weapons to the community. My assistant Marisha, however, would like me to mention that Mr. Charlemagne is correct in his thoughts about I Promise To See You Die And I Will, and that her boyfriend Billy Draeger agrees.

Keep those letters coming! I always enjoy hearing from you, who make the quality of life here in Armitage Heights so good.