Your letters and emails.

Jordan Langley-Klein and Tyler Jachowicz, AKA "Docta Sabotage" and "L'il Warsaw" of the Kaos Krew, in St. Rumwald Academy's 2001 production of The Pirates of Penzance.

Friday is a good day to drag out the old mailbag, and have a look at some of the letters -- both electronic and paper -- you have sent me in the past month.

And what a month it's been! Ever since we published the British fashion photo of the so-called "Kaos Krew" this week, tips have been pouring in from all over the 3rd Ward identifying the two other members. It seems as if they are Jordan Langley-Klein, 22, and Tyler Jachowicz, 23, both of Armitage Hill (the lid was blown off of Scott Munsch's identity almost immediately). In fact, all three were celebrated members of St. Rumwald Academy's musical theatre and improv troupes, and appeared together in high school productions of South Pacific, Carousel and Paint Your Wagon! I wish that the Kaos Krew had chosen to share their talents in the performing arts; they could have been a great addition to our theater scene here in the neighborhood. Instead, we will have no choice but to extradite them and make them accountable for their countless misdemeanor offenses. It saddens me greatly that between these young men and Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding, so much of what the national media focuses on in Armitage Heights is our attempted international extraditions (a recent issue of USA Today called us the "rendition capital of America"). We have so many other great things going on here, and one of the reasons I'm writing this blog is to let people know about the great stuff that goes on here: the dot-com Zeppelin parties, the delicious lo-mein tacos, the awesome non-emo rock bands and the historic architecture renovations. Those are what makes are neighborhood the best one in the metro area to live in. Those are what I want to focus on.

Some writers are unhappy that I have focused so much on the Kaos Krew. Alex in Kendall Park writes:

Look, I own a small business on Stanton Avenue and the Krew hit my marquee in October; they rearranged "While Supplies Last" to say "Slut Sips Whale Pile." It was an inconvenience, but it was nothing compared to the fact that I had a break-in two weeks later, and then another one in February where they made off with my cash register, ate some sandwiches in the breakroom refrigerator and urinated all over the special-edition Heights Beer-sponsored life-sized advertising cut-outs of Billy Draeger. That sort of thing is going on in your neighborhood, Sherman, and you're having embarrasing public hissy fits about these kids while actual hoodlums are out breaking into my store and peeing all over my limited-edition merchandise? Your priorities are totally ass-backwards, Larson. Do I have to be attacked by vandals with an artist's statement and press kit to get noticed around here? I'll take the sluts sipping the whale piles, thank you.

Alex's letter is tough but fair, and makes some good points. First of all, I wasn't aware Billy Draeger had signed a contract to advertise Heights Beer, but it makes sense -- the October Revolutionists are getting huge, and they're definitely big fans of the sort of "old-timey" look that Heights Beer has been branding themselves with in the last few years (I love those ads where the two mutachioed men on the old-time bicycles are chasing the ladies in bloomers!). But more importantly, Alex is right: we can't let ourselves think that the Kaos Krew is the only problem that we're dealing with crime-wise. Burglary, assault and arson has been up in parts of Hanley and Kendall Park this year, and it reflects badly on the whole 3rd Ward. I'll be posting some information about some of the various neighborhood watch groups so you can learn more about how you can get involved in keeping Armitage Heights and the whole 3rd Ward safe for everyone.

New "fashion stars"? An outrage.

Well, my assistant Marisha recently brought an interesting media item to my attention, and I can't say I'm very pleased about it. It seems as if our very own Armitage Heights Kaos Krew has made quite a splash in England following their contemptible, illegal art show in London last January, and have had a full ten-page spread devoted to them in this month's issue of the British fashion magazine ON, along with ridiculous photos of the sort pictured above, and fawning text describing their "clear-eyed vision for an exciting new direction in street art." The article even mentions that they have been tapped to collaboratively direct a music video for ex-Blur frontman Damon Albarn and UK hip-hop star Lady Sovereign, both of whom are said to be "massive fans" of their work!

May I just remind everyone that these "artists" were six months ago a bunch of punks running around Kendall Park "tagging" garages? This is an absolute outrage!

Of course, this ironically may be the beginning of the end for these hoodlums. The article finally lists their identities as 2Shy, Li'l Warsaw and Docta Sabotage. These pseudonyms may not help us in revealing their heretofore-unknown identities, but the picture above is the first printed photo of the gang -- and that we can use to identify them! In fact, the hoodlum standing on on the left in the shot, "2Shy," has been positively identified by Principal Barbara Dunlap of St. Rumwald Academy as 21-year old former student Scott Munsch of Wihinapa, pictured at left in his 2002 yearbook photograph. The identity of the other two are not known as of yet, but rest assured that we will find out who they are, track them down, and bring them home to face the consequences of their destructive hacking, marquee-defacing and dangerous hijinks. In the meantime, we can only prevail to the good people of the United Kingdom to end their infatuation with these thuggish young men.

In the meantime, if you'd like to be further outraged, you can read additional news items about the Kaos Krew's glowing reviews in the British art press, the rumours that the Krew has been invited to curate next year's All Tomorrow's Parties music festival in London, and sordid tales of their debaucherous stay across the pond, hanging around models and British jungle DJs.

If you'd prefer to do something constructive, though, send an email to the British Fashion Council and demand they stop coddling criminals! You can reach them by email at uk.press@londonfashionweek.co.uk.

30 years of troublemaking. (Just kidding, guys!)

The first offices of the Free-Press, at 4220 Stanton Avenue in 1968. This building is now a P.F. Chang's Chinese Bistro.

Spring is finally here! I've finally been able to get my mountain bike out of cold storage and take her for a couple of spins around Lake Mishipsehu and Stanton Park! So if you see me out, be sure to say hello! There's also some great opportunities for outdoor dining -- check out the outdoor dining annex at triage (yes, it's all lower-case letters), the new restaurant at the new mixed-use space on the site of the old St. Aloysius Greek Orthodox Veterans Hopsital and Sanitarium.

The biggest party this weekend, though, will certainly be tonight's Heights Free Press 30th Anniversary Gala at the Evarts Avenue Tavern. In April 1967 in an old storefront on Stanton Avenue, novelist Kimball F. Burin, former Mishipeshu Herald journalist Gerber Schanfield, film and music critic Dan Lee Vondraczek, and entrepeneur Larry Forsyth released the first issue of the "Freep": fifteen mimeographed pages of political commentary (notably an attack by Burin on then-Police Commisioner F. Thompson Foster entitled "The Brownshirt in Blue"), reviews of underground records, new hippie poetry, a few wire reports primarily culled from Pravda, and an advice column written by an unnamed "blissed-out naked chick that's shacking up with Brother Larry" (she advises one letter writer to "turn on [his] lovelight and let it shine shine shine.") Looking back on it now, it seems impossibly quaint, but all the pieces are certainly in place for the "take no prisoners" attitude, surreal humor, rampant references to drug use, and in-depth writing that would become the paper's trademarks.

Of course, it's a long and complex history from there -- Burin left the paper in 1968 to focus on his novel-writing, Forsyth pulled his backing after joining the Moonies in 1971, and Schanfield was forced out in 1980 as executive editor after a running a series of articles detailing then-metro mayor Robert Snowden's supposed involvement in a cross-dressing ring. However, the paper has soldiered on, and has published nearly every noted local writer on the scene. The paper's eventual transformation from a mimeographed broadsheet to a slick, well-written, well-funded media giant is a true testament to the talent involved and the intelligence of the community. It has been a truly pioneering paper; for example, the Free Press was the first alternative weekly to publish an altered photo of President Reagan with a Hitler mustache (right).

Of course, I have been notably featured twice in the paper: once in 1988, when I wrote a brief review of U2's performance at the old Civic Center in Kendall Park (my only published music review!), and of course in 2005, when I managed to make the cover. Of course, they endorsed perennial Green Party candidate Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding for the 3rd Ward Councilman seat in the last election, but I've always enjoyed working with the staff!

The anniversary corresponds, ironically, with the paper's recent sale to the Mishipeshu Media Group, LLC, who have vowed to keep the voice and spirit of the old Free Press alive and well into the 21st century -- and if you take a look at the recent articles they have run since the buyout, such as Snooze Alarm: Why Is the Legislature So Boring?, Hittin' it in the Heights: the Best Places to Get It On Around Your 'Hood!, and Get Your Dock Wet at These 6 Hot New Seafood Bars! you can see that they're just as dedicated to "edgy" writing as they ever were!

The gala will be held tonight, beginning at 8 PM at the Evarts Avenue Tavern, located at 3809 E. Evarts Avenue. There will be performances by Frost Creep, Teenage Law Student and a reunited The Dream of Horses, as well readings from Burin, the legendary "blissed out naked chick" advice columnist (in actuality, now the investment banker Katherine Mary Murray, who hasn't written for the paper since 1968) and popular and award-winning music and film critic Ted Norlander (left), who will read excerpts from his latest book, The Shah of Iran Keeps His Cool Side Cool: Essays On the Bloated-Out Carcass of Trans-American Culture In A Period I Do Not Actually Remember Much Of, 1979-1987 (called "brilliant and heart-breakingly insightful" by The New York Times and "the voice of a generation" by Slate.com). There will also be a few remarks by new majority shareholder and Mishipeshu Media Group, LLC chairman Ronald Malone. Billy Draeger of the October Revolutionists had been scheduled to give a solo acoustic performance, but his band has been scheduled to play The Jimmy Kimmel Show tonight -- way to go, guys!

Tickets are available at the Free Press's website for $25, or by calling Evarts Avenue Tavern at (436) 922-1928, or the Free Press's offices at (436) 661-0022 during regular business hours.

Urban lifestyles, available now.

There's been some criticism in the local press as of late regarding the condo boom we've been enjoying here in the Heights recently. Specifically, a few naysayers have predicted that the slight slowdown we've been experiencing in sales is the beginning of a long-term trend. In fact, the Heights Free Press goes on to say that many of the flagship condominium developments are "poorly-conceived, badly marketed, cynically developed, economically dubious and generally, just completely lacking in even the most basic comprehension of the fundamentals of urban living, city planning, real estate, aesthetics, ecomonics, construction, historic preservation, engineering, taste or human decency."

The Free Press is entitled to it's opinion, of course, but let's not be ridiculous. The condo developments we have going on at the present time are affordable, sustainable and attractive, and just because there's been a slight downturn in sales doesn't mean we should all go into hysterics. In fact, I'm going to list here a few of the exciting developments that we have going on in the real estate market, and you can see for yourself how attractive, affordable and responsible urban condo living really is.

A lot of these developments are throwing in special bonuses, like plasma screen TVs, association fee waivers and coupons to delicious restaurants, so act fast!

• Zeppelin Flats - art-deco luxury in the heart of the Zeppelin District
• Les Resevoir - fine water-side urban living
• Poutine Flats - old world-style luxury in the heart of the Poutine District
• The Refinery - refined urban living in a Steam Age setting
• Harbour Docks Flats Highrise - lakeside living at shipping-yard prices
• The Esperanto Lofts (Apartmentos Luksaĵos Esperantos) - Mi ŝatasrenkonti novajn homojn en Arondismento Esperanto!
• Olde Section 8 Village Centre - the rebirth of a new luxury address in South Hanley
• Cassock District Arts and Leisure Quarter - let yourself be blessed with urban luxury, my son
• Mishipeshu-Akron-Buffalo Railroad Switchyard Lofts - get on the fast track to luxurious urban living
• Gruyere Flats Luxury Condominiums and Artisanal Cheese Depository - sharp, dry, delicious living in the historic St. Aloysius Greek Orthodox Veterans Hospital & Sanitarium in Kendall Park

Marla Manda Johanssen, 1938-2007.

Ms. Johanssen pictured last year, with one of her estimated 17,000 handguns.

I received from very sad news from the United States consulate in Vietnam this morning: beloved Wihinapa handgun activist, editorialist, renegade Winter Parade grand marshall and vigilante manhunter Marla Manda Johanssen passed away late last night in a Hanoi hospital, only a few hours after arriving in Vietnam. The immediate cause of death was listed as dysentery.

As you may recall, Ms. Johanssen had traveled to Vietnam to apprehend the fugitive leftist urban guerilla Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding. She deplaned yesterday afternoon, made a few remarks to local media, and retired to her hotel room, complaining of exhaustion and what one of her accomplices termed "an extreme and pervasive Communistic atmopshere." She was found dead later that evening.

Armitage Hill Christian Church, located at 8402 Gresham Avenue in Armitage Hill, will be holding a memorial service tomorrow evening. Donations will be taken and contributed to a fund set up in Ms. Johanssen's name. You may contribute online at this website.

Ms. Johanssen was beloved by many in the community for her outspoken views and willingness to speak out on popular issues of the day. I have assembled some links to a few of Ms. Johanssen's best-loved and most notable letters to the Herald-Leader over the years. I would like to extend my sincerest condolences to her three surviving sons, Barry G. Johanssen of Wihinapa, Buckley Johanssen of Lubbock, Texas, and J. Birch Johanssen of Provo, Utah.

• "Is your editorial board run by East Germans?" (March 2, 1980)
• "James Watt: An American Hero" (Feburary 12, 1981)
• "Iran-Contra is distracting from the real issues" (November 19, 1986)
• "Who will stand up for the billionaires?" (July 7, 1993)
• "James Brady: Stalinist patsy?" (March 1, 1994)
• "When the roll is called up yonder, George W. Bush will be there." (October 28, 2002)
• "Your coverage of Ronald Reagan's funeral must have been written by East Germans" (June 11, 2004)

ON THE SCENE! With my assistant Marisha.

Hi everyone, it's me, Sherman's assistant Marisha. It's been pretty busy here on the Armitage Heights music "scene" (love those parentheses), but truthfully, I haven't been to as many shows recently as I might have. I'm serving on the new novelist laureate committee, plus I'm trying to wrap up my thesis at the University for next semester. And other things have been going on, as well.

If you want, I've set up a MySpace page at www.myspace.com/assistantmarisha. There's not much there yet, but I'll flesh it out when I have a chance. You can send me information there about any upcoming shows, albums, music news or anything else. Please note that this isn't my private MySpace profile. My private MySpace profile isn't viewable by the public at large at this time.

Anyway, the biggest news lately is the October Revolutionists have signed with Capitol Records, who will be putting out their new record next month. The Revs were also featured on the cover of SPIN Magazine this month, who called their new album "a fascinating melange of old-time genre music and late-model hipster cynicism," so everyone's pretty excited about that. Personally, I think their new work is more cynical than good, and it's a really tired formula that they've been flaying for a long time -- ooh, here's a reference to a Victorian book, sung like Gordon Gano over a bunch of accordians and glockenspiels. But, who am I to say anything. If you look at the comments from yesterday, the legendarily cranky novelist Kimball Burin put it rather pithily, even though I wish Sherman wouldn't approve every insane comment that floats by. Particularly when it's about me, which all of them seem to be lately.

Regardless, that's the news. There's some good shows coming up, including the Red Queen Principle at the Lakesider Tavern this Friday, local noise-rockers the Gold Journal are playing a record release show for their new album We Study Magical Destruction at Don's Liquors on Saturday, and finally, you can see Société Nationale play with the Four-Chambered Heart and Frost Creep next Tuesday at Spike's. All of those bands are pretty good, except for one, but Sherman asked me to stop saying "non-positive" things about local bands. So you'll have to go see for yourself which one I mean. I think it will be pretty obvious -- the answer will probably sneak up on you in the cold, so to speak.

The Zeppelin District's Demisesquicentennial!

The S.S. Armitage prepares to dock near the Franz Joseph Hermann Michael Maria Von Papen Memorial Zeppelinarium on Evarts Avenue, circa 1933. Note the old Amalgamated Gravy Building on the left.

Friday, March 17 will mark the 75th anniversary of the creation of the Zeppelin District in Armitage Heights, and the creation of the country's first dedicated Zeppelin port, the Franz Joseph Hermann Michael Maria Von Papen Memorial Zeppelinarium!

At the time of its construction, the Von Papen was the largest fully operational dedicated zeppelin port in the United States, and the third largest in the world. It was named (perhaps prematurely) for the contemporary right-wing chancellor of Germany, who actually left office two months after the dedication, and ended up later helping appoint Hitler, and being tried at Nuremberg for war crimes. So in 1941, with the city running a cataclysmic deficit and the nation on the brink of war with Germany, the port was renamed, for the sake of political and financial expediency, the Andreas Wolfgang Von Papen Zeppelinarium, after a minor German poet of the Romantic era -- thus relieving the city of the need to change the building's external signage, stationary and phone book listings. Of course, by 1941, no zeppelins had docked in the port for five years, and none would ever again, so it was a moot point anyway. The Von Papen was largely dismantled as a functioning zeppelin port in 1953 -- indeed, it was the last fully operational dedicated zeppelin port in the world at that time -- and was used as an administrative offices for the port authority and storage for Winter Parade floats throughout the 1950s.

During this time, the Von Papen building was still a landmark in the Zeppelin District, though the site was largely occupied by unemployed itinerant downstate agricultural workers, and notoriously gritty. The building was shuttered in 1962, and stood empty and generally unnoticed throughout the next few decades. Attention was refocused back on the building, however, when in 1982, a group of right-wing academics uncovered reams of unpublished, scandalously homoerotic-themed poems in Andreas Von Papen's private papers. Von Papen was catapulted almost overnight from a minor Romantic poet to a major homosexual literary icon. The name "Von Papen" became synonymous with homosexuality, the once-obscure poet being featured on the covers of literary journals and news magazines all over the world, and hailed as the "Godfather of Queer Poetry" and "The 19th Century's Greatest Gay Writer." The conservative Republican then-mayor of the city, Charles Kirkpatrick Carmichael, immediately demanded the name of the building be changed, despite the fact that the building was largely unoccupied. The resulting furor between gay rights activists, right-wing Christian groups and literary historians was documented beautifully in Kimball F. Burin's 1983 nonfiction work The Butterflies of Fear.

Of course, all of this furor overshadowed the elegant Modernist simplicity of the building and its unique function in aeronautical history. In a compromise that left no one happy, the building was renamed the Armitage Heights Homosexual War Veterans Memorial Zeppelinarium and State Historic Site, and it kept that name until last year. It was acquired through the city in 1985, and used to store transmissions and spare parts for metro transit buses.

In 2005, the site was purchased by wealthy California Internet mogul and amateur zeppelin enthusiast Rockwell Katz, who renamed the site GoSystemsCorp Zeppelinarium, after his profitable dot.com company. He has been refurbishing the site in the intervening years, and just in time for its demisesquicentennial, he promises to dock an actual zeppelin for the first time since 1939!

Of course, I voted against allowing granting Katz a license on the grounds of public safety -- in fact, his proposal is still tied up in the district courts, but if Katz prevails and gets the appropriate licenses and permits in the next week, you may see a sight over our neighborhood that no one has seen for decades: a zeppelin over the skies of Armitage Heights!

Regardless of whether or not that happens, there will be a number of exciting events all weekend!

• A free outdoor performance in Zeppelin Park by The Crunge, the metro's best Led Zeppelin tribute band.
• A record release show by the October Revolutionists at Spike's, at 1206 N. Stanton Avenue. Their new CD a concept album called We Fly On Higher, Ever Higher, which is based on the early history of the zeppelin industry. My assistant Marisha said last month she thought it was the greatest album she'd heard in years!
• A lecture by Kimball Burin on the writing of The Butterflies of Fear, followed by a question-and-answer session, held at the Evarts Avenue Tavern at 3809 E. Evarts Avenue.
• A panel discussion on the legacy of Andreas Von Papen, conducted by the University of Mishipeshu's LGBT Studies program.
• Free Zeppelin-shaped cookies from the Armitage Heights Bakery at 3210 E. Evarts Avenue.
• And of course, tours all day of the new Zeppelin Flats luxury condos, which will occupy half of the space of the GoSystems Zeppelinarium! Visit http://www.zeppelindistrictliving.com/ for more information!

See you there!