Please be advised that the roving bands of teenage delinquents known as the Armitage Heights Kaos Krew remain at large. I have recently convened a task force to deal with the menace. In the meantime, I would advise any businesses that utilize a marquee sign with removable letters to be absolutely certain that the words you use do not contain letters that can be arranged to spell suggestive or offensive phrases. For example, do not use a phrase such as:
COME DOWN TODAY FOR GREAT DEALS!
which could be rearranged to spell, for instance:
TO DAD
EAT OLD COW SEMEN FOR GARY!
Instead, attempt to use as few vowels as possible. Also, use consonants that don't frequently appear in many common words, such as "K," "Q," "J' and "Z." There is a good reason why these letters are awarded such high values in Scrabble! It has been proposed that the city hire on a panel of freelance Scrabble champions, in fact, to help local business owners design sentences for their marquees that will result in the smallest likelihood of them being re-arranged into words that our community would find offensive. It is our hope that this so-called Kaos Krew will eventually be demoralized by the resourcefulness of our Armitage Heights business owners in their superior command of the English language! If we are to win the war against vandalism in our community, we have to think smart on a local level.
Anyone with any information about these vandals should contact me, Councilman Sherman Larson c/o the Metro Council, located at the Metro Government Center at 1 Pierce Plaza, or call my office at (436) 299-9999, extension 15. This is a fight we can win by thinking smart, and staying one step ahead of these delinquents!
Best, Sherman
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