Hacking, vandalism and half-truths.

The late Paraguayan dictator General Alfredo Stroessner.

Some of you may have been surprised to read my last "post," where I seemed to be ranting nonsensically and inappropriately underneath a "photograph" of myself, the late Paraguayan dictator General Alfredo Stroessner, and some "stormtroopers" from the 1970s-era film Star Wars.

Well, obviously, that wasn't the real me.

Today this blog was hacked, apparently by the underage gang of skaters known as the Armitage Heights Kaos Krew.

As you may know, this so-called "Kaos Krew" has plagued our neighborhood for some time now.

The message they posted appeared to have been written by me, despite the poor grammar, rampant mispellings and ludicrous claims made therein. The "photo" was obviously doctored (and very poorly, I might add). It was all too juvenile, for the most part, to warrant a serious response. However, in the hours since the hacked post went up, letters have been pouring in from you all, and I want to be certain that everyone in this great community knows the facts.

First of all, I do not purchase my suits at Men's Wearhouse. That is a fine chain of stores that has many convenient metro locations, but the truth is that all of my suits at Zydlewska and Son Tailors, located at 5903 West 62nd Street in Little Warsaw. I always support local businesses over chains. Felix and his son Max have been making the finest suits in town for 50 years now, and they've always done it at a great price.

Secondly, I have no present ambitions to higher office. My job, first and foremost, is to represent you, the 3rd Ward, in the city council until my term is up in November, 2007.

Third and most importantly, there is the matter of the misinformation about my relationship with the late Paraguayan dictator General Alfredo Stroessner. He was not my uncle, he was my great-uncle. I concede that there is a kernel of truth in the nonsense that these delinquents are spewing: both Stroessner and I share a common relative, my great-grandfather Hugo Stroessner (his father, my mother's mother's father). However, to suggest that I am somehow related to him in an ideological sense is patently offensive and untrue. I only met him once, as a child on a family vacation in South America in the early '70s, and frankly, I thought he was a weird, smelly old man and I was glad to be back in Kendall Park when the vacation was over. I have never supported any autocratic policies in my time in public service, and I have roundly condemned, on the public record, the atrocities of mid-century South American dictators like Stroessner. I do not know how these hoodlums learned this information, but it does not matter: I do not seek to hide it from you.

This is not the first time the so-called "Kaos Krew" has wreaked havoc in our community, but this must be the last time. It is truly time to "get tough" on these destructive, genealogically resourceful young vandals (not "get tough," of course, in any autocratic sense -- I mean solely in a democratically-accountable sense).

When Marisha gets back in the office tomorrow, you can bet that the work of those vandals will be deleted from this blog for good.