Aftermath: Shame of the Winter Parade.

(above) Near the statue of Senator Casady in Armitage Square at Stanton Avenue, following the disturbances.

I have never been ashamed to live in this great neighborhood, but today, this Christmas Eve, I am very close.

The manner in which both renegade factional Winter Parades comported themselves on Friday at Armitage Square is shameful. I am sorry to report today that I have been appointed by Mayor Underdahl and Governor Bagglio to head up a Winter Parade Riot Investigation Commission to further explore the origins, chain of events and long-term ramifications of this embarrassing episode in our city's history. I am happy to say that at least no one was seriously injured in the events of the evening, but that is perhaps all I am happy about.

I do not place complete blame on any one party, although renegade Grand Marshall Marla Manda Johannsen's characterization of beloved former weatherman and Grand Marshall Hank Harvey as a "bloated old Bolshevik man-hag" are completely beyond the pale. Mr. Harvey is a role model to an entire generation of citizens, and to mock him in such a way -- over a loud speaker, while dressed as Mrs. Claus, even, and standing astride a red-white-and-blue streamed float and dangerously wielding a .357 Magnum -- is a utterly and profoundly inappropriate. Ms. Johannsen remains in police custody tonight, where I believe she belongs.

Renegade Grand Marshall Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding remains at large at this hour, but still remains wanted for charges related to assaulting a police officer, conspiracy, incitement of riot, 3rd degreee trespassing and public indecency. Any citizens that report seeing him are advised to dial 911, or the Metro Tip Line at (436) BE-A-HERO (232-4376). He was last seen fleeing the riot scene dressed in green tights, "elf" ears and carrying an oversized fiberglass candy cane which he used to strike a police officer. Dr. Harding is not the gentle, avuncular urban gardener and economics professor his partisans claim he is -- he is a desperate, dangerous individual who will not hesitate to strike if cornered. An anonymous source informs me that Dr. Harding trained with the Viet Cong in the 1960s, so he is not to be apprehended or engaged by unlicensed civilians. Should you see him, call 911 immediately.

Certainly, this was the worst year-end disturbance in our community since the infamous "Red Christmas" riots of 1946-47. Do we, as a community, once again wish to be known as a hotbed of holiday civil unrest? That is the question, I fear, we must consider this most silent of nights.