Time for "One" great vacation...and a guest blogger!

This guy might be my tour guide!

Well, my goodness, what a busy few weeks! My apologies for not writing recently, but the middle of summer is a surprisingly busy time around City Hall. The last session of the council wrapped up, but summer is the time for renovations and repair work around the building. So if you can believe it, I've been working over a tarp for three weeks straight!

August, though, is traditionally time for a vacation around City Hall, and it's my plan to leave for it this weekend. I have to brag a little, though, because I am so thrilled about this one: I'll be taking a U2-themed tour of Ireland! As you probably know, I am a big, big fan of U2 (their hard-hitting anthems of social justice were what got me interested in politics to begin with), and when I saw that this company in Dublin was offering exclusive tours of their homeland for fans of the band, I just had to take the opportunity! The tour begins in Dublin, where I'll be seeing the primary school where Bono met the Edge, the rock clubs where they got their start, and the pubs that they frequented as they set out to change the world of rock and roll -- and the world itself -- forever! I am so excited I can hardly believe it! I'll be sure to send back lots of pictures, and maybe post a few times if I have the chance.

But if I can't, you'll be in good hands with these two people:


Your (temporary!) guide to Armitage Heights: Reeves Sinderman and his assistant Megan.

I am pleased to announce that my colleague Reeves Sinderman (R.-8th Ward) will be filling in for me while I'm away here at the Clarion. As you know, Reeves represents the 8th Ward, which is comprised of the Croxton, Mount Gresham, Seabridge, Ostegwan and East Pond District neighborhoods in the east metro, right on the edge of Pierce County. He will be given a helping hand by his assistant Megan Van Deest, who recently moved back to her hometown after graduating magna cum laude with a political science degree at Vassar (and also leading their women's forensics team to three consecutive national championships!). Reeves lives in Croxton, but he will actually be staying at my house in Wihinapa for the duration of my vacation. So I anticipate some fascinating "blogging" about our wonderful neighborhood from the perspective of a non-resident!

My assistant Marisha will still be around, too, so maybe she'll be posting here and there about anything exciting around the neighborhood. I'm hoping that perhaps Megan and her can do some joint posts about some of the challenges of being a twentysomething in the city. She and Marisha are two of the best and brightest our metro area has to offer!

So with that, may I say "cheers," and see you in Ireland!

Man Vs. God Vs. Starwood Hotels: Why I'm Voting "No."

Man Vs. God Memorial Park -- in development plans, this portion would be incorporated into the pillars for the interior for a Wolfgang Puck restaurant.

When I came into the office this morning, there was much to be done. My assistant Marisha was already hard at work typing up the minutes from my meeting with the Esperanto District Retailers' Council (a.k.a. the Konsilantaro Detalisto Esperanto) from yesterday, which is never easy work, since Chairman Weaver still insists on delivering his remarks in Esperanto, and the city won't pay for Marisha to take lessons, so she has to transcribe the meeting phonetically, and then attempt to translate her notes back into English. There was an update from the Metro Council 3rd Ward Porter Weiss Memorial Novelist Laureate Search Task Force, which is nearing a decision after months of deliberation. There were noise complaints from the residental pockets off Stanton Avenue in the Cassock District near the Lakesider again from the recent "screamo" bill headlined by I Promise To See You Die And I Will show. There was indeed much to tackle.

But I could only think of one thing.

It was a remarkable dream I had last night. Marisha is standing over me begging me not to mention this, but it was too powerful not to share.

This is it: in the dream, I was standing here, in my office, and I hear a knock on the door. I open it, and standing there is ghostly apparitions of two of our neighborhood's greatest statesmen, Councilman Spence Whitmarsh and Senator Fletcher O. Casady! They walked in and had a seat. And before I could say anything, they spoke.

Both were accomplished public speakers while they were alive (1938-1971 and 1861-1934, respectively), and they were both true to form in my dream, speaking with great eloquence. The thing they had on their minds was the proposed destruction of beloved hippie art garden Man Vs. God Memorial Park -- a project which Whitmarsh personally greenlit during his tenure as 3rd Ward councilman.

"We built a lot of beautiful art during my tenure, Sherman," said Councilman Whitmarsh. "And you'd vote to destroy it?"

"Verily!" said Senator Casady. "You would vouchsafe to undertake this detestable deed, Mr. Larson? For shame, for shame! Confound it, Council-man, have you no sense of history?"

Then they both looked at me, and repeated over and over Senator Casady's best-known adage: "A man must will himself to righteousness, and right himself to willfullness!" until I awoke.

And I lay there for a moment, and it occured to me: I must follow the example of these principled leaders. I must will myself to righteousness.

That is why you have my pledge that the city will not sell Man Vs. God to any developers, no matter how generous their offers. Because to me, nothing is more beautiful than Soviet scrap submarine parts forged in the furnaces of our neighborhood's great artists in the 1970s, piled high on a beautiful green parcel of land in the middle of a bustling neighborhood, and given life. There is certainly room in our neighborhood for development and for exciting new projects of all kinds, but let's leave a grand old landmark like Man Vs. God out of it.

Which is why I'm voting "no" on selling the property. Senator Casady would have voted "no," Councilman Whitmarsh would have voted "no," and so will I.

Well, actually, Casady might not have thought Man Vs. God was a bit "queer" (in contemporary parlance), but the point remains. Honestly, I think it's pretty weird and hippie too, but there are certain values that rise above mere taste. This is one of them.

Our vanishing '70s sculpture garden heritage.

I'd just like to take a moment to acknowledge some emails I received lately from several members of the Kendall Park Neighborhood Association. This one, from KPNA interim president Dr. Linda F. Snyder, is very representative:

No one who lived through the councilmanship of Spence Whitmarsh can forget what heady times those were for the sculpture garden scene. There were new ones sprouting up everywhere, and the neighborhood was the better for it. Only a few remain today, and even those are threatened by the forces of greed and "social improvement."

For those of you that are too young to recall, Councilman Spencer J. Whitmarsh (left) represented the 3rd Ward from 1968 until his tragic motorcycle death in 1971. He cut quite legendary figure during that "go-go" period, representing the neighborhood through one of the most tumultuous times in Armitage Heights' long history -- the Esperanto Arondismento Tumulto of '69, the '71 Kitchen Riots, and the sedition trial of Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding, also in 1971. Controversial journalist and writer Kimball F. Burin was appointed to replace Whitmarsh by then-Mayor Freese.

Perhaps Whitmarsh's most visible legacy, though, was his shepherding through of some of the most revolutionary land-usage acts in the neighborhood's history. Hundreds of sculpture gardens exploded onto the scene, in every conceivable nook and cranny of the neighborhood. My assistant Marisha dug up from the Armitage Heights Historic Society a copy of a 1975 book entitled Sculpture Parks Now!: Your Guide to the Armitage Heights Topiary Art Revolution. The appendix is a list of contemporary sculpture gardens and their locations. Consider these mostly now-defunct sites that comprise the list:

• Giant Earth Robot Meditation Plaza (1970)
• New Atlantis (1972)
• Man Vs. God Memorial Park (1969)
• Good Time Charlie's Sculpturetorium (1973)
• Up With Statues! (1972)
• Spencer Whitmarsh Municipal Art Park (1971)
  
• City Sculpture Yard and Come-Down Tent (1969)
• The People's Revolutionary Three-Dimensionalists Guild (1968)
• The East 33rd Street Urban Boreal Plaza (1975)
• Superlove Legacy Gardens East (1973)
• The Stanton Avenue Olympus (1977)
• Preservation Compound (Mk. I, 1973; Mk. II, 1975)
• Pierce County Hebrew Gardens (1969)
• Urban Lightning Field (1975)

With a few notable exceptions, most of them are now gone. In fact, all that remains now are Man Vs. God Memorial Park and Giant Earth Robot Meditation Plaza (Superlove Legacy Gardens East at Stanton Avenue and 56th Street still exists, but the original design has been incorporated into a Chevy's Fresh Mex restaurant).

Man Vs. God Memorial Park, located on a quarter-acre of land at the corner of Schofield Parkway and Gilpin Avenue, is in particular danger. Built around a towering sculpture created by noted late local artist and Church of Satan high priest Hargrove Forsyth in 1969 at the dawn of the golden era of '70s sculpture gardens, the MvGMP represents -- as only rusted metal forms, ivy, concrete, vintage Soviet submarine salvage parts, and park benches welded to steel can -- the epic struggle between man and god.

It's also standing on a prime piece of real estate right on the edge of the now-trendy Little Wilmington district that developers have offered the city an unspecified amount of money to build a proposed W Man Vs. God Luxury Hotel. If the deal goes through, that leaves only Giant Earth Robot Meditation Plaza as the sole reminder of a once-swingin' sculpture garden scene. A shame that would be, too, because Giant Earth Robot is an eyesore that I would much rather see torn down than the relatively charming weirdness of Man Vs. God.

Please continue to write both myself and Mayor Underdahl if you'd like to see our neighborhood's vanishing sculpture garden heritage be preserved. You can also direct correspondence to the Armitage Heights Historic Preservation Council, the Man Vs. God Defense Fund, or to Dr. Synder at the Kendall Park Neighborhood Association.

For more reading on this fascinating topic, I recommend Ecce Hoedown: The Armitage Heights Sculpture Explosion, by Frank Carney-Nentzl, Half-Welded to a Dream, by Groff Schwenson, or Cast in Pain: An Uncensored Look at the Armitage Heights Sculpture Garden Wars, by Dr. Connoly Boatman.

Why I voted against the Johannsen Memorial.

The proposed Marla Manda Johanssen Memorial that would replace the statue of Senator Fletcher O. Casady in Armitage Square.

I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the high volume of emails I've received regarding my vote in the City Council on Monday against allowing the construction of the proposed Marla Manda Johannsen Memorial statue -- you can read the meeting minutes from the City Council website here, or a summary on the Herald-Journal's website here.

There is no doubt that Ms. Johannsen was a beloved figure by many in the neighborhood, particularly in Armitage Hill and Wihinapa. There is no doubt that her death last month was tragic. However, there is also no doubt that there are better ways to honor her memory than by tearing down a statue of one of this city's most beloved statesman, Senator Fletcher O. Casady, and putting in its place a gruesome, offensive eyesore of the sort that has been proposed.

I mean, goodness, it's a 15-foot handgun. In the middle of the city. We certainly have some nonsensical public art around the neighborhood (the 1890s-era Municipal Virginity Obelisk in Kendall Park springs to mind), but to put a giant metal weapon in the middle of the square where you may recall hearing some shots going off not less than six months ago -- and on a spot where Ms. Johannsen was actually arrested for firing handguns in the air -- is so distasteful it boggles the mind. I don't care if it's what Ms. Johannsen "would have wanted." Ms. Johanssen also, bear in mind, went on the public record as also wanting to have me deported to East Germany, re-name Hanley "Reaganonia," and abolish Labor Day because it was "a pinko faggot holiday." And yet, we did none of those things.

I am very sorry for what happened to Ms. Johannsen. I think the the churches, civic organizations and gun clubs in this neighborhood that she so loved could absolutely bind together to raise the funds for a private memorial. But to send me nasty emails declaiming me as a "fellow-travelling crypto-Trotskyite" because I don't think it's right to use public funds to remove a statue of a progressive and beloved local icon like Senator Casady (pictured to the left in 1910) and replace it with an oversized weapon is just ridiculous. I don't think a "blog" like this is any place for engaging in dirty partisan politics, and I hate to make such sweeping statements like these that will no doubt anger many of you, but to quote Senator Casady himself, "A man must will himself to righteousness, and right himself, indeed, to willfulness." Well said, indeed, Senator. This is a time for making a stand for what's right. And that is why you have elected me to this office -- to will myself to righteousness, and right myself to willfulness. That is precisely what I have done.

On a related note: the Johannsen debate didn't dominate the entire City Council meeting. We also voted on a number of other critical issues, including securing funding for the new overflow parking annex for the Office Depot Arena on Armitage Avenue; a motion recognizing local musician Billy Draeger of the "indie-rock" band the October Revolutionists for "contributing to the artistic well-being of the city" and nominating him for a Mayor Lester F. Grunwald Memorial Award for Excellence in June; a motion commissioning a study on the effectiveness of utilizing mineral water feeding stations for pigeons to attempt to cut down on the relative messiness of their solid waste; and a motion to adjourn early in recognition of the British holiday of St. George's Day, and the great contributions of British-Americans in the history of the city.

The future of heritage mass transit in our neighborhood.

A digital photo I took recently of the grand foyer of the Armitage Hill-Stanton Avenue Station, built in 1902. This station serves only the Imperial Line -- why is it so empty today?

The recent controversies involving venture capitalist Rockwell Katz's re-opening of the Armitage Zeppelinarium has turned a lot of focus in the area to some of our neighborhood's other heritage transportation systems, their continued use in the 21st Century, and their future as viable mass transit options. Many of you, in fact, have written to voice your concerns regarding the legendary "Imperial Line" (also known as the "I") that runs from the Armitage Hill-Stanton Avenue Station to the Armitage Square Central Station.

As you well know, the I-Line is the oldest fully-operational steam-powered subway train in the world. Of course, the rest of the Mishipeshu Mass Transit Authority train and subway lines throughout the neighborhood and in the greater metro area run on electric power, but in the heart of the city, it's nice to know that there are steam-powered trains transporting passengers in old-time underground luxury in the exact same way they did when the line opened in 1904! Here's an interesting article from the Free Press from a few years ago detailing the history of the building of the line, the first underground train line west of the Mishipeshu River.

I've gotten some flack before about my supposed disregard for our neighborhood's architectural heritage, but I am absolutely in support the continued preservation of the I-Line. So in the interest of some dialogue, here are some of the supposed problems with the line that you have forwarded to me:

It's too slow. Not true, in the long run. The I-Line runs from Armitage Square to the Stanton Avenue station in just twenty minutes. An electric train would do it in seven minutes -- but to replace the steam line with an electric would take eleven or twelve years at least, and cost hundreds of millions of dollars. We can either make the ride cleanly, efficiently and smoothly in a pleasant twenty minutes, or put up with the Stanton Avenue corridor being completely upended and ripped apart for a dozen years. I'd rather wait a few minutes now, personally.

It's too expensive. $12 for a one way ticket back to a more elegant time doesn't seem to me to be too much. I ride the I-Line once a week if I can.

It's totally inefficient. In these days of increased concerned for the environment, steam power is much more environmentally sound than a gas-guzzling bus, or an electric train sucking off of the power grid. Steam power leaves the smallest "energy footprint" of any power source -- whenever you're riding the I-Line, you're striking a blow for the environment!

It's occupying a valuable mass transit path. Some of you have written mentioning that the route the I-Line is on too valuable a transit path to be occupied by, in the words of Greg from South Hanley, a "bloated robber-baron vanity project built before my grandparents were born. If they just took out the damn thing and replaced it with a regular train, you'd move three times as many people twice as quickly for half the price." It's true that ridership has been down a bit over the last few years, but Greg misses the larger point. Riders wishing to miss out on the experience can easily take alternate routes from Armitage Square to eastern stops through the Stanton Avenue corridor: the 32 to the 18F, the Stanton Avenue LRT line connection, the 19K to the "S" Line, or the Everett Avenue-Evarts Avenue express shuttle. All these options add only a small amount of time to the average commute, and transport hundreds of uncomplaining individuals per day.

It's dangerous. The I-Line hasn't registered a single derailing in decades, and the incidents of steam scaldings are probably much lower than any other transit-related injuries -- would you rather get blasted with steam, or hit by a three-ton subway car?

The facilities are absurdly outdated. The Armitage Square Station is an architectural gem, and if you're not charmed by turn-of-the-century toilettes, authentic Beaux Arts turnstiles and hand-cast bronze subway tokens, I don't know what to tell you.

It's terrorized by roving bands of Edwardian teenagers in felt hats and velveteen pantaloons. This simply isn't true. I've heard reports of some muggings perpetrated by foppish teenage dandies in period clothing, and it just doesn't seem credible that the youth of our community would be so taken with the Beaux Arts environment of the station's architecture that it would drive them to commit a series of random, Edwardian-style crime sprees. Teenagers don't wear clothes like this -- they dress more like the Kaos Krew, in tights pants and angular haircuts. I will certainly investigate this matter, but goodness sake, this just seems to silly to believe.

So I hope this will start to convince naysayers in the neighborhood that far from being an inconvenience, an anachronism or a waste of money and time, the Imperial Line is truly one of the great treasures of our neighborhood, completely unique in the world. It is something our grandchildren and future generations will adore as they make the ride from Armitage Square across town, under Stanton Avenue, steam engines puffing away to a world of wonder, magic and all points east of Evarts Avenue.

Urban lifestyles, available now.

There's been some criticism in the local press as of late regarding the condo boom we've been enjoying here in the Heights recently. Specifically, a few naysayers have predicted that the slight slowdown we've been experiencing in sales is the beginning of a long-term trend. In fact, the Heights Free Press goes on to say that many of the flagship condominium developments are "poorly-conceived, badly marketed, cynically developed, economically dubious and generally, just completely lacking in even the most basic comprehension of the fundamentals of urban living, city planning, real estate, aesthetics, ecomonics, construction, historic preservation, engineering, taste or human decency."

The Free Press is entitled to it's opinion, of course, but let's not be ridiculous. The condo developments we have going on at the present time are affordable, sustainable and attractive, and just because there's been a slight downturn in sales doesn't mean we should all go into hysterics. In fact, I'm going to list here a few of the exciting developments that we have going on in the real estate market, and you can see for yourself how attractive, affordable and responsible urban condo living really is.

A lot of these developments are throwing in special bonuses, like plasma screen TVs, association fee waivers and coupons to delicious restaurants, so act fast!

• Zeppelin Flats - art-deco luxury in the heart of the Zeppelin District
• Les Resevoir - fine water-side urban living
• Poutine Flats - old world-style luxury in the heart of the Poutine District
• The Refinery - refined urban living in a Steam Age setting
• Harbour Docks Flats Highrise - lakeside living at shipping-yard prices
• The Esperanto Lofts (Apartmentos Luksaĵos Esperantos) - Mi ŝatasrenkonti novajn homojn en Arondismento Esperanto!
• Olde Section 8 Village Centre - the rebirth of a new luxury address in South Hanley
• Cassock District Arts and Leisure Quarter - let yourself be blessed with urban luxury, my son
• Mishipeshu-Akron-Buffalo Railroad Switchyard Lofts - get on the fast track to luxurious urban living
• Gruyere Flats Luxury Condominiums and Artisanal Cheese Depository - sharp, dry, delicious living in the historic St. Aloysius Greek Orthodox Veterans Hospital & Sanitarium in Kendall Park

The Zeppelin District's Demisesquicentennial!

The S.S. Armitage prepares to dock near the Franz Joseph Hermann Michael Maria Von Papen Memorial Zeppelinarium on Evarts Avenue, circa 1933. Note the old Amalgamated Gravy Building on the left.

Friday, March 17 will mark the 75th anniversary of the creation of the Zeppelin District in Armitage Heights, and the creation of the country's first dedicated Zeppelin port, the Franz Joseph Hermann Michael Maria Von Papen Memorial Zeppelinarium!

At the time of its construction, the Von Papen was the largest fully operational dedicated zeppelin port in the United States, and the third largest in the world. It was named (perhaps prematurely) for the contemporary right-wing chancellor of Germany, who actually left office two months after the dedication, and ended up later helping appoint Hitler, and being tried at Nuremberg for war crimes. So in 1941, with the city running a cataclysmic deficit and the nation on the brink of war with Germany, the port was renamed, for the sake of political and financial expediency, the Andreas Wolfgang Von Papen Zeppelinarium, after a minor German poet of the Romantic era -- thus relieving the city of the need to change the building's external signage, stationary and phone book listings. Of course, by 1941, no zeppelins had docked in the port for five years, and none would ever again, so it was a moot point anyway. The Von Papen was largely dismantled as a functioning zeppelin port in 1953 -- indeed, it was the last fully operational dedicated zeppelin port in the world at that time -- and was used as an administrative offices for the port authority and storage for Winter Parade floats throughout the 1950s.

During this time, the Von Papen building was still a landmark in the Zeppelin District, though the site was largely occupied by unemployed itinerant downstate agricultural workers, and notoriously gritty. The building was shuttered in 1962, and stood empty and generally unnoticed throughout the next few decades. Attention was refocused back on the building, however, when in 1982, a group of right-wing academics uncovered reams of unpublished, scandalously homoerotic-themed poems in Andreas Von Papen's private papers. Von Papen was catapulted almost overnight from a minor Romantic poet to a major homosexual literary icon. The name "Von Papen" became synonymous with homosexuality, the once-obscure poet being featured on the covers of literary journals and news magazines all over the world, and hailed as the "Godfather of Queer Poetry" and "The 19th Century's Greatest Gay Writer." The conservative Republican then-mayor of the city, Charles Kirkpatrick Carmichael, immediately demanded the name of the building be changed, despite the fact that the building was largely unoccupied. The resulting furor between gay rights activists, right-wing Christian groups and literary historians was documented beautifully in Kimball F. Burin's 1983 nonfiction work The Butterflies of Fear.

Of course, all of this furor overshadowed the elegant Modernist simplicity of the building and its unique function in aeronautical history. In a compromise that left no one happy, the building was renamed the Armitage Heights Homosexual War Veterans Memorial Zeppelinarium and State Historic Site, and it kept that name until last year. It was acquired through the city in 1985, and used to store transmissions and spare parts for metro transit buses.

In 2005, the site was purchased by wealthy California Internet mogul and amateur zeppelin enthusiast Rockwell Katz, who renamed the site GoSystemsCorp Zeppelinarium, after his profitable dot.com company. He has been refurbishing the site in the intervening years, and just in time for its demisesquicentennial, he promises to dock an actual zeppelin for the first time since 1939!

Of course, I voted against allowing granting Katz a license on the grounds of public safety -- in fact, his proposal is still tied up in the district courts, but if Katz prevails and gets the appropriate licenses and permits in the next week, you may see a sight over our neighborhood that no one has seen for decades: a zeppelin over the skies of Armitage Heights!

Regardless of whether or not that happens, there will be a number of exciting events all weekend!

• A free outdoor performance in Zeppelin Park by The Crunge, the metro's best Led Zeppelin tribute band.
• A record release show by the October Revolutionists at Spike's, at 1206 N. Stanton Avenue. Their new CD a concept album called We Fly On Higher, Ever Higher, which is based on the early history of the zeppelin industry. My assistant Marisha said last month she thought it was the greatest album she'd heard in years!
• A lecture by Kimball Burin on the writing of The Butterflies of Fear, followed by a question-and-answer session, held at the Evarts Avenue Tavern at 3809 E. Evarts Avenue.
• A panel discussion on the legacy of Andreas Von Papen, conducted by the University of Mishipeshu's LGBT Studies program.
• Free Zeppelin-shaped cookies from the Armitage Heights Bakery at 3210 E. Evarts Avenue.
• And of course, tours all day of the new Zeppelin Flats luxury condos, which will occupy half of the space of the GoSystems Zeppelinarium! Visit http://www.zeppelindistrictliving.com/ for more information!

See you there!

Changes on 26th Street at Armitage Square.

The original plans for the street layout around Armitage Square, circa 1840.

Well, I have some good news for all residents: the city council finally voted last week to re-route 26th Street around Armitage Square.

As you know, it's present configuration is unappealing and a bit of a death-trap. 26th starts crosses Stanton Avenue and runs alternately west and south past Legaré and Pierrepont, and then cuts through Armitage Square, merges with Toucey for two blocks, and then to Stanton south for a block through the park and back again onto the grid at Gilpin Avenue.

Instead, 26th will be routed right off Stanton, north of the square, and then travel directly to Gilpin, saving everyone a lot of trouble.

The reason it was routed in its original configuration had something to do with the fact that the planner of this part of the neighborhood, local architect and Freemason Charles Jeptha Grotting (the grandfather of another notable local Freemason), was mired in Masonic mumbo-jumbo and wanted the configuration around the square to reflect the perfect symmetry of the All-Radiating Eye. As readers of this blog well know, I have always taken a strong stand against the meddling of Freemasons in neighborhood affars, and to have this sort of shortsighted planning and superstituous nonsense contribute to an average of nineteen traffic accidents every year around the Square is completely ridiculous.

Please make no mistake: I am a big fan of the Nineteenth Century, and I will fight to see that this neighborhood maintains its historic charm when it is relevant and appropriate for it to do so. But whenever I get letters from people complaining about the city council's "philistine lack of interest in historic preservation," I simply remind them of this sort of situation. History is great, but it isn't all quilting, Blue Danubes and jaunty felt hats. There's a lot of creepy nonsense in there, too, and I think most of the residents and business owners in the area aren't going to be upset that -- pardon my strong language here -- the odd and unappealing whims of our forefathers' Masonic-centric urban planning aren't left hanging around to confuse tourists and contribute to car wrecks in this century.

The future of NBA overflow parking in our neighborhood.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge the high volume of letters I have received recently regarding the proposed demolition of the Armitage Orpheum Theater at 2500 East Stanton Avenue next month. For those of you that aren't aware, the city acquired the site through eminent domain last year for the purpose of constructing an overflow parking annex for the new Office Depot Arena being built west of Kendall Park -- the new home of the NBA's fightin'est five-man squad, our beloved hometown Voyageurs!

However, many of you have voiced your concern about our plans. For example, here is an excerpt from a letter from the Armitage Heights Historic Preservation Council:

To destroy the Orpheum would be a cataclysmic act of cultural terrorism...The Orpheum was built in 1870 using nineteen tons of upstate granite and marble, and had wood door and window fixtures imported all the way from Italy. At the the time of its construction, it seated 4,000 people and was the largest theater built west of the Mishipeshu River. Its opening night gala, a performance by the "Swedish Songbird" Jenny Lind, was attended by U.S. Vice President Schuyler Colfax and noted author Mark Twain. When Oscar Wilde spoke there in 1889, he remarked that it was the "loveliest theater in the Republic."

Here is an early photograph of the Orpheum from its opening season:



OK. Point taken.

But let's just be reasonable here. Let's look at the facts.

The fact is, I value the historic properties in our neighborhood as much as anyone -- heck, my house in the Wihinapa neighborhood was built around 1870, too! But there are some things that letter doesn't mention. The Orpheum is in dismal shape, a complete state of disrepair, and hasn't been a legitimate theater since 1971. It was an adult theater throughout the '70s and '80s, and with the exception of a troupe of transgendered performance artists that used it as a venue for their frankly distasteful urine-themed spectacles in 1992 and '94, it has not been occupied since then. And with our Voyageurs being perennial contenders for the NBA Mid-Central Conference championship three years running, they need the right space to shine in! Their fans, then, need to the right space to park in, should the main parking ramp be full.

Fortunately, we have arrived at a decision that I think will satisfy fans of NBA basketball in the city, and will also honor the history of the site. The city has hired the architecture firm Rice, Daniels + Carmichael to create the new overflow parking annex. RD+C are award-winning architects that have designed some of the most critically-acclaimed parking structures in the country, from the 3rd Street Municipal Parking Ramp in downtown Seattle to the 3rd Street Municipal Parking Ramp (no relation) in Philadelphia. Their plan is to integrate some of the old features of the Orpheum into the new structure:




Furthermore, the old building's heritage will be honored with parking levels named for the various luminaries that brightened the stage over the years, from the Adele and Fred Astaire Blue Level Ramp all the way to the Zeppo Marx Green Level Ramp. The structure itself, in fact, will be designated the Historic Armitage Heights Orpehum Municipal Overflow Parking Annex, and a historic marker will be placed right on Stanton Avenue for all to read. The grandeur and history of this overflow parking annex may threaten to even overshadow the main parking ramp itself!

But in all seriousness, let me just say that when we work together as a community, these are the kinds of positive results we can get. That's why ours is one of the most progressive, livable cities in the country, and to paraphrase Mr. Wilde, why Armitage Heights is the loveliest neigborhood in the city!

Best,
Sherman