My administrative professional Marisha!

Well, it's no secret to anyone that not much would get done around the 3rd Ward without the administrative professional assistance of one woman -- my assistant Marisha Ferguson! Whether she's collating important city council meeting minutes, making fresh coffee for the dozens of important people I meet with daily, or giving me "hot tips" on local rock bands or new Thai restaurants, Marisha can do it all. On this Administrative Professionals Day, I think it's just right to set aside some time to pay tribute to this talented young lady.

There's so many great "Marisha stories," it's hard to know which one to start with, but certainly there many that handily sum up how capable and hardworking she is. I think of the time she averted disaster by entertaining the visting mayor of Akron, Ohio with her incredible knowledge of Chrissie Hynde and DEVO trivia, while I was on my way back the office to meet him after being held up in traffic on the way back from the airport -- by the time I finally got there, he was so buoyant that all he wanted to talk about some band called "the Black Keys"! Or the time I left my wallet at home in Wihinapa, and she drove all the way there on her moped, in the rain, to get it because I had a budget meeting with Mayor Underdahl. Or when she caught a mistake that someone had made on some proposed signage, saving us from an expensive and useless "Wlecome to the Kendall Park-Stanton Avenue Arts Corridor!" marquee. Or how she regularly has time to put in 20+ hour a week here, finish her master's degree in journalism and women's studies at the University, do great freelance design work for rock bands and small businesses on the side, teach yoga at the Hanley Community Center, volunteer with the Armitage Heights Urban Gardening Co-op and the Armitage Heights Center for Contemporary Art, and still have a busy and active social life is an amazing testament to her talents, energy and abilities.

Marisha, you rock!

If you'd care to, you can feel free to post your own "Marisha stories" in the comments section below! Just keep it nice!

Why I voted against the Johannsen Memorial.

The proposed Marla Manda Johanssen Memorial that would replace the statue of Senator Fletcher O. Casady in Armitage Square.

I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the high volume of emails I've received regarding my vote in the City Council on Monday against allowing the construction of the proposed Marla Manda Johannsen Memorial statue -- you can read the meeting minutes from the City Council website here, or a summary on the Herald-Journal's website here.

There is no doubt that Ms. Johannsen was a beloved figure by many in the neighborhood, particularly in Armitage Hill and Wihinapa. There is no doubt that her death last month was tragic. However, there is also no doubt that there are better ways to honor her memory than by tearing down a statue of one of this city's most beloved statesman, Senator Fletcher O. Casady, and putting in its place a gruesome, offensive eyesore of the sort that has been proposed.

I mean, goodness, it's a 15-foot handgun. In the middle of the city. We certainly have some nonsensical public art around the neighborhood (the 1890s-era Municipal Virginity Obelisk in Kendall Park springs to mind), but to put a giant metal weapon in the middle of the square where you may recall hearing some shots going off not less than six months ago -- and on a spot where Ms. Johannsen was actually arrested for firing handguns in the air -- is so distasteful it boggles the mind. I don't care if it's what Ms. Johannsen "would have wanted." Ms. Johanssen also, bear in mind, went on the public record as also wanting to have me deported to East Germany, re-name Hanley "Reaganonia," and abolish Labor Day because it was "a pinko faggot holiday." And yet, we did none of those things.

I am very sorry for what happened to Ms. Johannsen. I think the the churches, civic organizations and gun clubs in this neighborhood that she so loved could absolutely bind together to raise the funds for a private memorial. But to send me nasty emails declaiming me as a "fellow-travelling crypto-Trotskyite" because I don't think it's right to use public funds to remove a statue of a progressive and beloved local icon like Senator Casady (pictured to the left in 1910) and replace it with an oversized weapon is just ridiculous. I don't think a "blog" like this is any place for engaging in dirty partisan politics, and I hate to make such sweeping statements like these that will no doubt anger many of you, but to quote Senator Casady himself, "A man must will himself to righteousness, and right himself, indeed, to willfulness." Well said, indeed, Senator. This is a time for making a stand for what's right. And that is why you have elected me to this office -- to will myself to righteousness, and right myself to willfulness. That is precisely what I have done.

On a related note: the Johannsen debate didn't dominate the entire City Council meeting. We also voted on a number of other critical issues, including securing funding for the new overflow parking annex for the Office Depot Arena on Armitage Avenue; a motion recognizing local musician Billy Draeger of the "indie-rock" band the October Revolutionists for "contributing to the artistic well-being of the city" and nominating him for a Mayor Lester F. Grunwald Memorial Award for Excellence in June; a motion commissioning a study on the effectiveness of utilizing mineral water feeding stations for pigeons to attempt to cut down on the relative messiness of their solid waste; and a motion to adjourn early in recognition of the British holiday of St. George's Day, and the great contributions of British-Americans in the history of the city.

Kaos Krew: kopykat krimes?

With the warmer weather in recent weeks, there has been a spate of graffiti-related crimes, such as the above defacing of the old Armitage Amalgamated Gravy Distillery complex in Kendall Park. Be on the lookout for suspicious activity in the area, and don't hesitate to report your findings to the metro tipline at (436) BE-A-HERO (232-4376).

The above graffiti is troubling for a number of reasons -- how could the Kaos Krew be commiting new acts of vandalism when it is a well-known fact that they are staying abroad in the U.K. for an indefinite period of time, enjoying their shameful "high art" popularity? That's a question the Krew themselves are apparently asking. Seem as if they're not too busy with jet-setting to keep up with the news in their hometown, since we received this anonymous email Saturday:

We understand that there have been a lot of tagging around town by dudes claiming to be the Kaos Krew, and we just want say: NOT TRUE. We, the Kaos Krew, are no longer interested in tagging and lo-fi street art. Our interests now lie in directing music videos, site-specific installation art, and fashion design -- we don't tag buildings anymore, especially gorgeous old brick facades like the Amalgamated Distillery. We love that building, and it's the sort of classic deco architecture we really miss seeing over here in England. Judging from the photos we've seen, this new work is crude and artless, without the sort of irony, humor and skill that people expect from the Krew. We denounce these criminal acts completely.

The email was also signed by Matthew Barney, Bjork, Stella McCartney, Charles Saatchi, Yasmine Le Bon, Goldie, Dr. Alex Patterson of the Orb, and somebody named "Tricky."

Well, what a turn-about! The sentiments of the Krew are appreciated (and I say that with a touch of sarcasm), but that doesn't change the fact that we are still working to extradite them for their misdeamenor crimes. That said, the email is correct, to a point: these new "Kaos Krew" taggings bear not a trace of the gutter wit and cleverness that made the original Kaos Krew graffiti so beloved in certain misguided circles.

So if you have any information on of any of these so-called "kopykat krimes," I would urge you to report them. We can't let our beautiful neighborhood be continually defaced by punks cruising on the accomplishments of one high-profile group of celebrity vandals.

Additionally, my assistant Marisha tells me that the new video the Kaos Krew have made for UK pop sensation M.I.A. is up on YouTube now. You can see it here.

Outdoor movie season in East Kendall Park!

Stills from The Old Gold Follies of 1938 and Masters and Servants, two classics both screening in East Kendall Park this month (and don't worry -- the rebel leader on the right in Masters and Servants makes it out alive, but just barely!)

My goodness, I'm so sorry for not writing lately! It's been so busy here in the office lately, and perhaps you've noticed that spring is finally here! We've been having such nice 70 degree days in the last few weeks, I'm sure you've all been outside enjoying some our great neighborhood outdoor activities -- the annual Dr. Lyman "Rawhide" McKenzie Memorial Barbecue Symposium at the that the cultural studies program at the University of Mishipeshu puts on every second weekend in April, or the weekly farmers market at Armitage Square (love those squashes from Craze, Junkyard and the whole rest of the crew at the Starshine Manor Cosmic Love Farms!).

Of course, the Kendall Park Film Society will be hosting their popular annual East Kendall Twofer series of double feature movie presentations, every Thursday night beginning April 26 at 7:00 PM at the Danforth Ampitheater in East Kendall Park, located off of 34th Avenue at Schofield Parkway in Kendall Park, right on Lake Mishipeshu.

This year, it's a whole series of films by Armitage Heights natives Mel Caldwell and Richard R. Caldwell. Both brothers were born in south Armitage Heights in 1918 and 1925 respectively, to a streetcar conductor and school teacher. The brothers made a name for themselves on the then-thriving Armitage Heights theater scene as writers and directors (Mel in the old Armitage Avenue music halls, Richard in the small WPA-funded stages of south Hanley). Having had a taste of success here, set off for Hollywood in the 1930s to pursue careers in the movies. Of course, from there, their paths took wildly divergent paths. Mel Caldwell became known for his lush, sentimental MGM musicals, birthing an entire sub-genre, the so-called "Dancing Cigarette Girl" picture: in these films, many of which followed a similar plot, a young, leggy singer or dancer would typically take a seemingly dead-end job as a dancing carton of cigarettes in a stage show, fall in love with her handsome director, and finally through spunk and hard work, become a star. Richard, of course, did not find immediate success in the industry, drifting into the Hollywood demimonde and joining the Communist party, where he made a series of incredibly hard-hitting films for fledgling Key Studios dealing with labor and poverty issues. He became estranged from his brother at this time they rarely spoke after 1940, the lone exception being when Mel testified against Richard in his 1951 HUAC investigation hearings. Richard was blacklisted and became an alcoholic, but re-emerged in middle age to make a series of violent, anti-establishment small-budget war films that would become benchmarks for so-called "New Hollywood" generation. The brothers never reconciled, and Mel died of lung cancer in 1963. His brother died five years later in a mysterious and still-unsolved murder at his home in West Hollywood.

However, the Kendall Park Film Society will reunite these two legends this summer by showing some of their best-loved films back-to-back! The schedule is great fun indeed:

April 26: The Old Gold Follies of 1938 (1938) and They Shall Inherit The Earth (1939)
May 3: Roll Me Another, Sister! (1939) and The Life and Death of Leon Trotsky (1940)
May 10: Holy Smokes! (1940) and Death Train (1957)
May 17: Golden Leaves (1940) and Gentlemen, I Give You Colonel Tran (1959)
May 24: Say, That's Rich! (1941) and Masters and Servants (1960)
May 31: Golden Leaves Goes Overseas (1941) and Our Hour of Darkness (1961)

University of Mishipeshu film historian Dr. Kathleen Carter-Anderson will make a few short remarks before each screening, putting each film into historic context, and pointing out the many strange similarities that the brothers might have denied while still living!

You can visit the Film Society here on the web, or their offices can be reached at (436) 242-2209.

All screenings are all free and open to the public.

The future of heritage mass transit in our neighborhood.

A digital photo I took recently of the grand foyer of the Armitage Hill-Stanton Avenue Station, built in 1902. This station serves only the Imperial Line -- why is it so empty today?

The recent controversies involving venture capitalist Rockwell Katz's re-opening of the Armitage Zeppelinarium has turned a lot of focus in the area to some of our neighborhood's other heritage transportation systems, their continued use in the 21st Century, and their future as viable mass transit options. Many of you, in fact, have written to voice your concerns regarding the legendary "Imperial Line" (also known as the "I") that runs from the Armitage Hill-Stanton Avenue Station to the Armitage Square Central Station.

As you well know, the I-Line is the oldest fully-operational steam-powered subway train in the world. Of course, the rest of the Mishipeshu Mass Transit Authority train and subway lines throughout the neighborhood and in the greater metro area run on electric power, but in the heart of the city, it's nice to know that there are steam-powered trains transporting passengers in old-time underground luxury in the exact same way they did when the line opened in 1904! Here's an interesting article from the Free Press from a few years ago detailing the history of the building of the line, the first underground train line west of the Mishipeshu River.

I've gotten some flack before about my supposed disregard for our neighborhood's architectural heritage, but I am absolutely in support the continued preservation of the I-Line. So in the interest of some dialogue, here are some of the supposed problems with the line that you have forwarded to me:

It's too slow. Not true, in the long run. The I-Line runs from Armitage Square to the Stanton Avenue station in just twenty minutes. An electric train would do it in seven minutes -- but to replace the steam line with an electric would take eleven or twelve years at least, and cost hundreds of millions of dollars. We can either make the ride cleanly, efficiently and smoothly in a pleasant twenty minutes, or put up with the Stanton Avenue corridor being completely upended and ripped apart for a dozen years. I'd rather wait a few minutes now, personally.

It's too expensive. $12 for a one way ticket back to a more elegant time doesn't seem to me to be too much. I ride the I-Line once a week if I can.

It's totally inefficient. In these days of increased concerned for the environment, steam power is much more environmentally sound than a gas-guzzling bus, or an electric train sucking off of the power grid. Steam power leaves the smallest "energy footprint" of any power source -- whenever you're riding the I-Line, you're striking a blow for the environment!

It's occupying a valuable mass transit path. Some of you have written mentioning that the route the I-Line is on too valuable a transit path to be occupied by, in the words of Greg from South Hanley, a "bloated robber-baron vanity project built before my grandparents were born. If they just took out the damn thing and replaced it with a regular train, you'd move three times as many people twice as quickly for half the price." It's true that ridership has been down a bit over the last few years, but Greg misses the larger point. Riders wishing to miss out on the experience can easily take alternate routes from Armitage Square to eastern stops through the Stanton Avenue corridor: the 32 to the 18F, the Stanton Avenue LRT line connection, the 19K to the "S" Line, or the Everett Avenue-Evarts Avenue express shuttle. All these options add only a small amount of time to the average commute, and transport hundreds of uncomplaining individuals per day.

It's dangerous. The I-Line hasn't registered a single derailing in decades, and the incidents of steam scaldings are probably much lower than any other transit-related injuries -- would you rather get blasted with steam, or hit by a three-ton subway car?

The facilities are absurdly outdated. The Armitage Square Station is an architectural gem, and if you're not charmed by turn-of-the-century toilettes, authentic Beaux Arts turnstiles and hand-cast bronze subway tokens, I don't know what to tell you.

It's terrorized by roving bands of Edwardian teenagers in felt hats and velveteen pantaloons. This simply isn't true. I've heard reports of some muggings perpetrated by foppish teenage dandies in period clothing, and it just doesn't seem credible that the youth of our community would be so taken with the Beaux Arts environment of the station's architecture that it would drive them to commit a series of random, Edwardian-style crime sprees. Teenagers don't wear clothes like this -- they dress more like the Kaos Krew, in tights pants and angular haircuts. I will certainly investigate this matter, but goodness sake, this just seems to silly to believe.

So I hope this will start to convince naysayers in the neighborhood that far from being an inconvenience, an anachronism or a waste of money and time, the Imperial Line is truly one of the great treasures of our neighborhood, completely unique in the world. It is something our grandchildren and future generations will adore as they make the ride from Armitage Square across town, under Stanton Avenue, steam engines puffing away to a world of wonder, magic and all points east of Evarts Avenue.

Your letters and emails.

Jordan Langley-Klein and Tyler Jachowicz, AKA "Docta Sabotage" and "L'il Warsaw" of the Kaos Krew, in St. Rumwald Academy's 2001 production of The Pirates of Penzance.

Friday is a good day to drag out the old mailbag, and have a look at some of the letters -- both electronic and paper -- you have sent me in the past month.

And what a month it's been! Ever since we published the British fashion photo of the so-called "Kaos Krew" this week, tips have been pouring in from all over the 3rd Ward identifying the two other members. It seems as if they are Jordan Langley-Klein, 22, and Tyler Jachowicz, 23, both of Armitage Hill (the lid was blown off of Scott Munsch's identity almost immediately). In fact, all three were celebrated members of St. Rumwald Academy's musical theatre and improv troupes, and appeared together in high school productions of South Pacific, Carousel and Paint Your Wagon! I wish that the Kaos Krew had chosen to share their talents in the performing arts; they could have been a great addition to our theater scene here in the neighborhood. Instead, we will have no choice but to extradite them and make them accountable for their countless misdemeanor offenses. It saddens me greatly that between these young men and Dr. Thomas Jefferson Harding, so much of what the national media focuses on in Armitage Heights is our attempted international extraditions (a recent issue of USA Today called us the "rendition capital of America"). We have so many other great things going on here, and one of the reasons I'm writing this blog is to let people know about the great stuff that goes on here: the dot-com Zeppelin parties, the delicious lo-mein tacos, the awesome non-emo rock bands and the historic architecture renovations. Those are what makes are neighborhood the best one in the metro area to live in. Those are what I want to focus on.

Some writers are unhappy that I have focused so much on the Kaos Krew. Alex in Kendall Park writes:

Look, I own a small business on Stanton Avenue and the Krew hit my marquee in October; they rearranged "While Supplies Last" to say "Slut Sips Whale Pile." It was an inconvenience, but it was nothing compared to the fact that I had a break-in two weeks later, and then another one in February where they made off with my cash register, ate some sandwiches in the breakroom refrigerator and urinated all over the special-edition Heights Beer-sponsored life-sized advertising cut-outs of Billy Draeger. That sort of thing is going on in your neighborhood, Sherman, and you're having embarrasing public hissy fits about these kids while actual hoodlums are out breaking into my store and peeing all over my limited-edition merchandise? Your priorities are totally ass-backwards, Larson. Do I have to be attacked by vandals with an artist's statement and press kit to get noticed around here? I'll take the sluts sipping the whale piles, thank you.

Alex's letter is tough but fair, and makes some good points. First of all, I wasn't aware Billy Draeger had signed a contract to advertise Heights Beer, but it makes sense -- the October Revolutionists are getting huge, and they're definitely big fans of the sort of "old-timey" look that Heights Beer has been branding themselves with in the last few years (I love those ads where the two mutachioed men on the old-time bicycles are chasing the ladies in bloomers!). But more importantly, Alex is right: we can't let ourselves think that the Kaos Krew is the only problem that we're dealing with crime-wise. Burglary, assault and arson has been up in parts of Hanley and Kendall Park this year, and it reflects badly on the whole 3rd Ward. I'll be posting some information about some of the various neighborhood watch groups so you can learn more about how you can get involved in keeping Armitage Heights and the whole 3rd Ward safe for everyone.

New "fashion stars"? An outrage.

Well, my assistant Marisha recently brought an interesting media item to my attention, and I can't say I'm very pleased about it. It seems as if our very own Armitage Heights Kaos Krew has made quite a splash in England following their contemptible, illegal art show in London last January, and have had a full ten-page spread devoted to them in this month's issue of the British fashion magazine ON, along with ridiculous photos of the sort pictured above, and fawning text describing their "clear-eyed vision for an exciting new direction in street art." The article even mentions that they have been tapped to collaboratively direct a music video for ex-Blur frontman Damon Albarn and UK hip-hop star Lady Sovereign, both of whom are said to be "massive fans" of their work!

May I just remind everyone that these "artists" were six months ago a bunch of punks running around Kendall Park "tagging" garages? This is an absolute outrage!

Of course, this ironically may be the beginning of the end for these hoodlums. The article finally lists their identities as 2Shy, Li'l Warsaw and Docta Sabotage. These pseudonyms may not help us in revealing their heretofore-unknown identities, but the picture above is the first printed photo of the gang -- and that we can use to identify them! In fact, the hoodlum standing on on the left in the shot, "2Shy," has been positively identified by Principal Barbara Dunlap of St. Rumwald Academy as 21-year old former student Scott Munsch of Wihinapa, pictured at left in his 2002 yearbook photograph. The identity of the other two are not known as of yet, but rest assured that we will find out who they are, track them down, and bring them home to face the consequences of their destructive hacking, marquee-defacing and dangerous hijinks. In the meantime, we can only prevail to the good people of the United Kingdom to end their infatuation with these thuggish young men.

In the meantime, if you'd like to be further outraged, you can read additional news items about the Kaos Krew's glowing reviews in the British art press, the rumours that the Krew has been invited to curate next year's All Tomorrow's Parties music festival in London, and sordid tales of their debaucherous stay across the pond, hanging around models and British jungle DJs.

If you'd prefer to do something constructive, though, send an email to the British Fashion Council and demand they stop coddling criminals! You can reach them by email at uk.press@londonfashionweek.co.uk.